Seducing Women- Why 95% of Men Get It All Wrong

This is a guest article from Chase Amante of

The single most frequent email or comment I see from guys, and that I know Jesse sees here as well, looks something very much like this:

“Hi, thanks for all the great articles, they’ve really helped me make a difference in the way women are noticing me and paying attention to me lately. It’s great stuff.

I have a situation here, and I really hope you can help me out. You see, there was this girl I really liked. And it seemed like she liked me too… every time we’d talk, she seemed really flirty. I finally asked her out on a date a few months after we first met, and she said “yes.” After much texting, we set up our first date, and it seemed like it went well – we even kissed at the end of it. But now she won’t respond to my texts anymore. How do I get this girl to be mine?”

If you know your way around women, you know exactly what the problem is just by reading the guy’s description… and most of the time, it’s the same problem men are having, again and again.

The guy likes the girl… the girl likes the guy… then… then… then…

Well, then, that problem occurs.

This article is about how to not have that problem happen – and this article is designed to give you the tools to get you seducing women effectively, by the time you’ve reached the bottom of this page.

Survival of the Swiftest

In 19th century Europe and North America, lovers communicated by writing one another carefully thought-out, well-constructed love letters, aimed at conveying not just their sentiment for one another, but all the logical reasons why they thought that they made such excellent partners for one another, too.

“I have a thousand images of you in an hour; all different and all coming back to the same… And we love. And we’ve got the most amazing secrets and understandings. Noel, whom I love, who is so beautiful and wonderful. I think of you eating omlette on the ground. I think of you once against a sky line: and on the hill that Sunday morning.

And that night was wonderfullest of all. The light and the shadow and quietness and the rain and the wood. And you. You are so beautiful and wonderful that I daren’t write to you… And kinder than God. Your arms and lips and hair and shoulders and voice – you.”

That’s a love letter from a guy named Rupert Brooke in October 1911.

Try sending a girl something like that today.

You’ll never hear from her again.

Seducing women has always been about romance, grace, desire, and emotion, but in the modern world of the 21st century there is one other element that reigns supreme, too: moving fast.

Women aren’t waiting around for true love anymore. And they’re not to blame for this – it’s a natural response to the environments they’re in. You see, in the modern West, women live in urban super centers replete with anonymous strangers… many of whom appear to be attractive mating options, and none of whom they actually know all that well.

It’s a far cry from times of old, when there were vast social repercussions on her social status for every man a woman chose to date, when choice of attractive mates was limited to a vanishingly small pool of few eligible men, and when everyone knew everybody else.

Today, there are few social consequences for a woman’s behavior, outside of her social circles (like work, class, her group of friends) – which, not coincidentally, are the places where women tend to be on best behavior.

Everywhere else, they do what they want to do – and if you want to do it with them, you don’t have much time for beating around the bush.

Dating Advice for Dummies

I published an article a while back entitled “Should You Pay for a Date?” In it, I shared my experiences paying the whole bill, splitting the bill with dates, and being paid for by dates, and the experiences of friends of mine doing the same. What I found was that you had a much higher chance of EVER taking a woman to bed if you split the bill with her than if you paid for her share… and if she paid for you, well, you were almost certain to have a good night.

The response to that article was that women (and some men) went ballistic. The women tried to argue that this would NEVER work with them… but the arguments were weak. The arguments weren’t, “The only men I would sleep with are men who pay for me!”; rather, they were, “I wouldn’t like a guy who didn’t pay for me!”

A big part of what I teach, though, is that it doesn’t matter if she likes you.

In fact, it’s probably better if she doesn’t like you too much.

Because if she likes you too much, she’s liable to categorize you as a “potential boyfriend,” and at that point your goose is cooked.

Try sleeping with her fast when she wants you as a BOYFRIEND... fat chance. She’ll play coy; she knows you need to chase after her.

Otherwise, you might not value her that much.

Meantime, she’s sleeping with bad boys on the first night – men whose opinion of her she has little concern for, and whom she, as a girl, just wants to have fun with – and respecting you less and less as a man as you chase her while others close her.

Why do so many guys get it wrong?

Because of overly-opinionated advice-givers like those female (and some male) commenters on that “pay for a date” article… people who are talking not from practical experience based on RESULTS (i.e., successfully seducing women and ending up with them in bed) but on THEORY instead.

The think it SHOULD be this way. So they scold you and tell you to do what they think you should do.

And if you don’t know any better, you assume that since so many people are telling you this, and since you hear this advice everywhere, it must be the best advice out there:

  • Move slow
  • Be a gentleman
  • Make her like you
  • Pay for dates

How frustrating, then, when date after date you try it, and date after date it doesn’t work.

You need something that works better.

Seducing Women in the 21st Century

It certainly seems common for men to have had these drawn-out seductions, at times, in stories about ages past.

My suspicion is, though, that this is part female fantasy, and part inept males, same as it is now.

If you read Casanova’s autobiography, he has plenty of whirlwind romances in his lifetime, and that was hundreds of years ago. My suspicion is that the greatest romances then as now were chemistry at first sight – and resulted in two people becoming lovers posthaste.

Regardless, if you’re living in the 21st century, seducing women fast is the order of the day.

There’s no time for dilly-dallying about anymore (if there ever really was, that is).

Don’t believe me? Then how many men do you know who:

  • Chased a woman for months or years, then finally got her?
  • Sleep with a lot of women that they wine and dine over periods of weeks?
  • Succeed with women by being perfect gentlemen and taking their sweet times?

You might know a few of these stories… or perhaps none at all.

And I’d bet you five bucks that none of the guys in those stories that you can think of is much of a charmer with the ladies.

He probably only gets laid once in a blue moon.

That’s because attraction has a very short shelf life when a woman is surrounded by attractive, anonymous sexual options… and in the modern metropolises of this century, well nigh every woman is.

Disqualifying Yourself as a Boyfriend

Your first order of business?

If you want to move fast with her, don’t let her see you as a boyfriend.

That’s right. Whether you want to:

  • Sleep with her once
  • Make her your friend with benefits
  • Make her your girlfriend
  • Marry the damn girl

… do not allow her to view you as a boyfriend before you sleep with her.

Wait – what? Don’t let her view you as a boyfriend when you want her as a girlfriend?

That’s right. Don’t do it.

Why not?

Because women move fast with the sexy throwaway guys.

But they move slow with the men they want as boyfriends.

If she meets you, and she thinks you’re the man of her dreams, how fast is she likely to hop in the sack with you? Not very fast, right?

That’s because she wants to play coy; she wants you to chase her. She doesn’t want you to think she’s too easy… because then you might not stick around and be her boyfriend.

Women know this. They’re not fools. If she sleeps with you too fast, she holds no power over you, and if she wants to make SURE she has you in her life, she wants to make sure to have POWER over you.

She wants control.

Except… what happens, when the seduction process slows down?

Well, you introduce a LOT more room for:

  • Mistakes
  • Her losing interest in you
  • Her meeting someone else
  • Life intervening – she gets busy, moves away, goes on vacation and realizes she loves Italian men… who knows

Point is, the longer it takes you to sleep with a girl, the lower the odds are that you will ever actually land her.

But wait – doesn’t it mean a girl is a slut if she will sleep with you quickly?

Au contraire, mon ami. While this is true sometimes, much of the time it could not be further from the truth.

When you are good with women – and if you read this site or mine or both and you apply what you learn, you will be good with women, probably pretty fast – it’s very difficult for those women to resist you.

To resist your charms.

To resist your wiles.

To resist that sexy way you have about yourself.

Inexperienced women usually cannot resist this. Their resistance, much of the time, ends up being futile.

They don’t have the prior experience to know how to disarm all your bedroom game.

So who is good at resisting a charming, sexy, relatively sexually experienced man?

Experienced women… that’s who.

The “sluts” – the ones who’ve been around the block more than their fair share – are the women most equipped to shut you down. They are the ones who have seen it all before and know how to stop your escalation cold – when they want to.

But even then… experienced women will only resist you for sex when they want you as a boyfriend instead of as a lover.

If you’re too good a catch, you need to bring your stability levels down to compensate for this so that women won’t slot you too readily into boyfriend territory. This includes things like:

  • Letting women know you just got out of a relationship and need a breather
  • Letting women know you’re on vacation and only in town for a short period of time
  • Letting women know you’re uncertain how much longer you’ll be living in town for… and may even leave tomorrow, for all you know
  • Behaving sexually and naughty – in a smooth, charming way, of course – and basically doing things that no nice guy or gentleman would ever dare do with her

Take yourself out of contention as a boyfriend.

Once you do this, you’re free to move faster while seducing women.

Seduce Fast

If you’re not up for consideration as a boyfriend – and she still likes you and finds you attractive – you’re safe to move fast.

What’s that mean?

It means you make constant progress in your interaction with a woman toward taking her to bed.

Once she’s your lover, the power is in your hands to determine where things go from there – was it a one-night stand, do you want to see her casually, do you want to turn this into something serious? It’s not terribly difficult to steer your relationship with a woman toward whatever you want it to be once the two of you are lovers.

That must be the objective: it has to be “get her into bed.”

Once you’ve had sex with her several times, she’s yours.

Get her in bed.

Until then, she’s on the market, and free for the taking until someone’s penis goes in her, crude as that sounds. Reality ain’t PC.

So how do you seduce women fast?

It’s easiest if you have your fundamentals down tight and have already turned yourself into a sexy man. That is, you’re well-dressed in sharp, appealing clothes; you have an edgy, attractive hairstyle; you have sexy facial hair; sexy, charismatic facial expressions; powerful body language; and a well-developed voice with a sexual purr to it. You’re confident and relaxed around women, and women notice it.

From there, it’s all about escalating investment and getting women more and more committed to being with you.

So, you meet a girl – at a bar, or on the street during the daytime, or in a bookstore, or a nightclub – and you hit it off. You can tell she likes you.

Don’t play it safe. Don’t try to talk to her for 4 hours in one place without moving. Don’t grab her phone number to meet up with her later, maybe, if she really likes you right now.

In fact, if you’re a sexy man she finds attractive but considers to not be boyfriend material, she’s almost certainly going to be hoping that you make something happen right now.

Anything less than this is disappointing her… and there’s a good chance she doesn’t even bother to respond to your phone calls or text messages after that.

She wanted something to happen. She felt like something would happen.

Then, you didn’t make anything happen.

Quit disappointing women. When you meet a girl and she likes you and you like her, then is not the time to set up a date for two weeks later.

Then is the time to keep spending time with her then and there and see how far you can take it. Don’t grab her phone number until you’re absolutely certain you can’t take it any further, because she’s told you she can’t go any further.

What’s it look like when you move fast? Something like this:

  1. You meet a girl, say hello, and exchange names
  2. First 2 to 10 minutes: small talk, banter, getting to know each other
  3. Within 10 minutes at the most: ask her to move with you – best to sit down somewhere
  4. Next 5 to 30 minutes: get to know her better, talk about her (not you), keep it sexy
  5. Within 30 minutes at most of sitting: invite her somewhere else with you – another venue, or your homeIf at another venue, repeat the process, ending by inviting her home
  6. Within the first 10 minutes of being home with her: kiss her and start escalating to sex

Too fast for you? Good. Only way you find out how fast you can go is by testing your limits.

And if this seems too fast for you… your limits need testing, my friend.

Parting Thoughts

I didn’t always move this fast with women. Years ago, I’d take it slow like most men… and I could never figure out why girls who’d been SO INTO ME would grow cold and vanish.

Now I know why.

I didn’t move fast enough.

I could almost regret all the women I lost by moving too slow when I look back and recollect… and there were a lot of them. Except now I don’t have this problem anymore; it’s been ages since a girl went cold on me after initially liking me.

It’s hard to worry much about girls you lost in the past when getting girls NOW is pie.

That is so, of course, because these days, when a girl likes me right away, she goes to bed with me right away, too.

Not because I’m anything that much special than the average man. I’ve worked to make myself more aesthetically and intuitively appealing, sure… but my biggest advantage seducing women is simple speed and tight process.

Move fast. You’ll be glad you did…

… and so will all those girls who really like you.

Chase Amante

Chase Amante is the founder of and principle contributor to His advice centers on giving women great conversations and great experiences, moving fast, and removing all barriers to rapid sexual intimacy. Several of his latest articles include a comprehensive piece on where to find a woman – from bars to bookstores – and a comprehensive (and humorous) how-to about the massive free online dating site Plenty of Fish.

15 thoughts on “Seducing Women- Why 95% of Men Get It All Wrong”

  1. Hey Chase,

    I am facing a critical problem. I dunno if it is a problem or not. I met this girl and we had a very strong chemistry. I have a sex appeal, gentle man and know how to deal and seduce women. The girl is quite attracted and she knew it very well that I am an erotic person after she described me as a “Such a sexual person” (with a laugh). We got out and started kissing so erotically but at the same time she claimed that she needs some time and lets not rush things up. Yet, the problem is that she is a moody person. We used to text and talk and laugh. Suddenly, she changes and as if nothing happened. The other day she reverses back. Now, she is totally far. I am ignoring her right now and letting her talk to me. I do want her so badly. She is one hell of a lady. But at the same time, I am not a cheap prize to get earned.

    Any advice.

  2. As a woman, I agree this works – on seducing typical, boring modern women. What happens when you run by a girl who doesn’t want sex, and actually wants the slow build-up into a loving relationship? Someone who would melt at that love letter and write back with something equally as eloquent? What about the women who ARE waiting around for true love?

    1. I think it’s safe to say that this article “helps” a very certain type of man with a very certain agenda ya?

  3. I need to reverse the situation. I did exactly what this article told me not to do. Ive known this woman for a couple weeks now and I fucked up and told her “I want to be more than just friends.” I was afraid of getting friend zoned. How do I begin to win her over?

  4. Chase I’ve got one word for you: ***AWESOME!***
    Thanks for the article man… it really helped. Really sad to see the many opportunities I ruined for myself as a result of being too slow; sad indeed. O well, switching to fast mode and trying new things. A loving thank you to Jesse too, love you bro.

  5. Eugene-

    When the girl’s the one messaging you first, you should have a pretty easy time naming the place of the meetup – you don’t have to tell her exactly where you live, you can just say, “Why don’t we do this cool little café / dive bar?” – and of course, it happens to be the café or the dive bar right next to your place. Because she’s clearly in pursuit, you get to dictate the terms of the first meet to large degree.

    Assuming the date’s already planned though, if it goes very well and there’s a lot of electricity in the air, propose doing something else cool (that is, incidentally, close to your place). e.g., an arcade, the beach, etc. Or, just invite her back to listen to some music or watch a movie. Best if she follows you back in her car – she’ll feel more secure, and it’ll save you an hour roundtrip later to take her back to her car and come back again.

    If the date’s just “okay,” you can still feel her out for this anyway – sometimes a girl wants to or is open to, but isn’t throwing out signals for it. If she’s non-committal, just end the date on good terms and next time have her meet you somewhere closer to your place.


  6. Hey Chase,

    What you happened to get hit up online by a girl you never met, and you’re meeting up somewhere in person for the first time, say a 30 min drive from both of your places? What would you do then? Give an excuse to try to get her to your place (and give her directions) after you meetup and spend some time?

    Or would you escalate a little the first time and try to go for the close after you setup another meetup? Curious how you’d approach the fast escalation here!


  7. Mack Julian who cooler than...

    When you are good with women – and if you read this site or mine or both and you apply what you learn, you will be good with women. Well I am proud to say I am one of those guys thanks to the both of you. Currently I am a relationship. But, I will be going to the military as an officer soon and I may shop around but the things I have learned from both of you gents are priceless! By getting good with girls and moving fast it’s help me in other areas of my life. Being decisive, Leading, and just knowing at the end of the day girls love drama and love getting their hair pulled and ravished from the back helps me with my future endeavors and with that I salute you 🙂

    1. Awesome to hear, Mack. Sounds like you’re in a pretty good place right now, both with women and life. The military should be a great experience – hard to not come out of that tough as nails and more manly than ever.

      Also – not related to seduction, but if you’re about to become a military officer, I’d suggest giving this a read – it’s an address to a class of graduating military officers in 1917, and it’s brilliant and very educational:


  8. 😮 Thanks great advice Chase. I move pretty slow and that’s a big problem I got– I’m too much of a pussy!!

    1. You’re more than welcome, Jeff. And that’s how everybody starts out (except the crazy super-driven guys) – you’ve just got to start saying, “Screw it, let’s try this out and see what happens,” more often, and then take off the brakes and see what DOES happen.


    1. Alvin-

      Happy to help provide one of the missing pieces!

      Worth noting here additionally that you can use a “faster” approach to dating with ALL the women you meet – so, even the ones you’d traditionally move more slowly with, you can streamline your tactics and start moving faster.

      In fact, those are probably the cases where it benefits you the most… suddenly, the women who always used to be too hard to get and difficult to nail down become a whole lot easier to end up together with as lovers and partners. When the “good girl” types open up to you about their dating history, it’s often amazing how many men they really liked and would’ve gotten together with who then simply moved too slowly, the girl lost interest, and the guy didn’t start chasing until it was already too late.


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