The Reason You Don’t Get Laid Easy – Seeking Comfort Over…

Picture yourself making $10,000, $15,000, maybe $20,000 a month in passive income maybe from an online business or an old business that you sold off, and you just got the cheese coming in every single month, and you are set for life. You don’t have to worry about a thing with business. You quit your old job. You move off to a beautiful tropical island.

This island is gorgeous. It’s great weather year round. You’re just chilling out on a hammock next to your sweet little bungalow, and you’ve got a man serving – a butler. You feel thirsty, and you’re like, “Gaston! Bring me a beer,” and Gaston goes and brings you a beer.

You’re feeling hungry and you’re like, “Gaston! Bring me some steak and eggs,” and Gaston brings you some steak and eggs.

“Sure, boss!” He says.

You say, “Gaston, I’m feeling kind of bored. I wanna jump into that ocean, maybe get into a surfboard, maybe do some snorkeling.” Gaston brings over the equipment for you. You don’t have to lift a finger.

Now, this beautiful island also has beautiful, exotic little island girls, and they’re walking by every once in a while. You don’t have to do shit of course to meet these girls. You’re just like, “Gaston, please introduce me to those two beautiful gorgeous island girls walking by.”

Gaston runs over and says, “Hey, there’s this guy that wants to meet you, girls.”

They come on over, so you’re just flirting with the girls throughout the day. You’re just having fun. You’re just relaxed. You’re living life.

Maybe one of these girls eventually stands out to you. She is particularly beautiful. She is particularly friendly. She’s particularly into you. You guys are having crazy sex. You want to rip off the condom and just raw dog all day long, and she’s completely down with that. You feel like you want to spend more time with her than the other girls, and eventually this girl becomes your girlfriends maybe, and you’re loving life even more, let’s say.

My argument very obviously would be that your happiness level would increase from where it is now, living this kind of lifestyle because one it solves a lot of problems for you. Possibly, you’re going to have more free time. You’re going to do things you want to do, but here’s the thing. I would also argue that within a year, maybe two years, maybe three years, maybe four years, but eventually your happiness level would decrease, and actually this kind of lifestyle would completely fuck…up…your…life. It would send your life down into the toilet.

Here’s why. Well, with time eventually, you’re going to become naturally lazy. Human beings have the tendency to want to conserve time and energy to want to do as little as possible, and we’re designed to really only take action when environmental pressure is forcing us to take action. For example, you’re feeling hungry, and there is no food around. That’s when you’re going to get up off the couch and go do something. You don’t have girls in your life. You don’t have your shit handle, so you decide you’re going to the gym and lift weights.

But, if you’re sitting on an island, and you’re just having all the food brought to you, maybe even junk food and beer maybe, even drugs, you know you’re going to start to develop a beer belly. You’re going to get fat. You’re not going to have any incentive to go to the gym because the girls are being brought to you. You’re going to eventually lose your social skills. You’re going to lose your swagger. You’re going to lose your edge because the girls are being introduced to you. You don’t have to do any cold approach, and also maybe eventually, you get a girlfriend, so you really fall off the wagon there.

You know you don’t have to push yourself mentally because you don’t have to go in to work. You don’t have to do anything but to sit on a hammock and chill, and maybe you need to chill for a couple of weeks. Maybe you need to be on an island for a couple of weeks. Maybe you need to get laid, but the thing is if you spend years in that lifestyle, it would eventually devastate you five years in.

Take an analogy: astronauts up in space, in orbit, in zero gravity. Astronauts have to spend an hour or two hours every single day exercising because they turn into literally slugs up in space because there is no pressure being exerted on their muscles.

I don’t know if you’ve seen films where they’re pushing the astronaut out of the shuttle back on Earth, and the astronaut is actually in a wheelchair because even despite doing all that exercise, their muscles have atrophied and they can’t even walk properly. They have to be sitting down. If they don’t exercise, even a couple of months in space can be absolutely devastating on their body. They don’t have gravitational pressure exerting itself on their muscles. They have to force themselves to exert that pressure through exercise every single day.

The same happens with you. You become like an astronaut up in orbit with zero gravity when you are sitting on a hammock on a beach, with girls being brought to you, with food being brought to you, with booze being brought to you, with every leisure activity being brought to you.

At first, you might want to go snorkeling. At first, you might want to go surfing. At first, you might want to do physical activity, but eventually that will lose its appeal a little bit, and you don’t have to do any of those things, and you know you put on a little weight in that hammock, eating all these rich foods, all these delicious foods, so you’re a little bit fatter. You have less energy. You don’t go out as much into the water, and that causes you to get a little bit fatter.

It just becomes like kind of this negative cycle where you develop this big beer gut, and you just barely go out at all. You don’t exercise. It’s a lot easier just to have food brought to you, fuck your awesome girlfriend, and watch TV. Eventually, you fall back in happiness back to your baseline state or even get worse because five years in, you turn into this fat, fucking slug who is not making any progress. You are just falling backwards in life.

This isn’t just a theory. Actually, I know guys like this who started making money. They have a passive income being generated. They sold their company, and they got a lot of cash, and they’re just living it up on a beautiful tropical island somewhere, and they’re just having everything brought to them, and they’re having girls brought to them. They get lost in that comfort, lifestyle, and you see them fall off the wagon whereas before they were these cool guys with lots of swagger, lots of drive. They eventually just kind of degrade over the years into these fat fucking slugs.

It’s not like you’re just going to pull yourself out of it. Even if you say to one of these guys, “Hey, you know the lifestyle you’re living is not cool. You’re slowly degrading here.” They might intellectually realize that, but it’s so comfortable, it’s so nice, they get so stuck in their habits. They don’t want to get that pressure back on themselves. They’re kind of just lost in that environment because it’s so tempting.

It’s so easy to give into it whereas there’s a lot of successful people that actually do keep their vitality. They do keep their strong edge. They remain successful. They keep their swagger. They remain guys that you would want to look up to. For example, Donald Trump, he’s rich. He’s making real estate deals. He’s still hustling. Eminem ‑ the guy is rich, but he still keeps writing music because that’s his thing, that’s what he loves to do. He always wants to push himself. You got Anthony Robbins, of course, the king of motivation there, always pushing himself. Richard Branson – the guy is rich. He can retire any day, but he keeps thinking up new ideas. He just loves that creative juice of pushing his company. Steve Jobs, of course.

I mean there’s lots of examples out there of men who you know kept exerting that environmental pressure on themselves instead of just checking out of life and making that mistake of equating taking it easy with happiness, which is completely false.

Anthony Robbins says that, “If you are not growing, you are dying. If you are not pushing yourself to grow, you’re going to be going down on that downward spiral.”

A perfect analogy is going to the gym. Now, it will be so much simpler for me just to decide, “I don’t want to go to the gym.” And there’s lots of benefits to that. For example, I’d have more free time. I can get more sleep. I can relax more. I can watch more TV, or I can catch up with some friends. I could spend that time going out to meet girls. I could spend that time doing my business.

There’s a lot of legitimate excuses not to go the gym at least in the short term. But I know in the long term, even though short term will bring me some happiness, in the long term, it will completely fuck me up. I’d gained weight, and once I gained weight, I’d have lower energy levels. I’d be even less likely to go to the gym. That would cause me to gain even more weight, and it becomes a negative cycle.

I’d lose testosterone not going to the gym, so I’d lose stamina in bed. I’d lose motivation to go out and meet girls, particularly when you’re hitting 40 like I am. That’s really important to keep your testosterone levels up because they don’t naturally stay up like when you’re 19.

Three years out of not going to the gym, I wouldn’t be going out to meet girls. My body would look like crap. I wouldn’t be getting as many IOIs you know environmental cues from girls that I’m a cool guy, although you always think that you’re a cool guy, but it helps when girls naturally are attracted to you.

It would be a complete disaster, even though short-term, I could derive some happiness from that. You can see that like you go through a department store or you go to a Wal-Mart store, and you walk around. You look at the 40-year-old guys or the 50-year-old guys. It’s very, very, very rare that you see a 50-year-old guy and you’re like, “Now, that’s a cool-looking motherfucker. I want to be like that guy.”

That almost never happens. Why? Because these guys have gone with the short-term pleasure and happiness. They’ve mistakenly equated taking it easy with happiness. They’ve mistakenly equated comfort with happiness. They never went to the gym. They never exercised. As a result, as they’re older, their body naturally degrades.

If you’re not progressing, you’re dying, and their bodies have been out of shape with bad posture or they got a big beer belly gut. Because of that, because they never look good physically, they don’t spend time to dress properly, and they look like a sack of shit. That’s most 40- and 50-year-old guys. You’re not looking up to them. You’re thinking, “I don’t want to be like that guy!”

Another example is paying for prostitutes. You might be like, “Jesse, what do paying for prostitutes have anything to do with this?”

Well, look. If you take the natural, logical end conclusion of equating happiness with taking it easy, happiness with comfort, and you’re just becoming this fat, fucking slug on the couch, well prostitutes are the end conclusion because what better way to reward yourself for doing absolutely nothing.

When you are on a couch and just girls show up to your door and fuck you and you bust right into them and they leave, you’re basically rewarding your brain for doing absolutely nothing.

Your brain is saying, “Look. You didn’t approach any girls. You’re losing your social skills. You’re losing your swagger. You know, you’re not putting yourself into uncomfortable situations, you’re not putting environmental pressure on yourself to grow and progress, but you’re still banging hot chicks, so you must be doing something right.”

Your brain is rewarding you or you’re rewarding yourself now for just being this sad sack of shit lying on the couch and putting in as least effort as possible, but still getting laid, and you are training your brain wrong.

It’s kind of like you treat yourself with candy and McDonald’s and pizza every time you do something right, then you know you’re equating these unhealthy foods with doing things proper in your life and you become addicted to those foods and the guys become addicted to having sex with prostitutes.

Now, compare that to actually putting yourself in uncomfortable social situations or putting environmental pressure on yourself to step up, to man up, to get your swagger on to go up and talk to that beautiful girl, hold that conversation, lead her, direct her, man up to her, make proper eye contact, work on your social skills to the max, and step into the best man that you can be to fulfill your true top potential as a man until legitimately win that girl. Have that beautiful girl legitimately in love with you, have that beautiful girl legitimately admiring you and finding happiness through progress, not through trying to do as little as possible and take it easy with comfort.

It’s the same way to pick up and getting girls. Most guys effectively kind of want to be the guy who’s paying for prostitutes. They just want the fast 5-minute easy solution where they learn a magic phrase or a magic move, and they get that one girl that they’re crushing on down on her knees and sucking his dick.

Basically, he doesn’t want to put in the effort or the time it takes to grow himself as a man, to be that man who’s really actually deserving of that girl. He just wants to remain that maybe negative guy or maybe that guy that’s living in his mom’s basement or that guy who doesn’t want to socialize with anybody. He just wants that magic little trick. He wants to remain that little slug, and once he gets the girl, he wants to go back to playing World of Warcraft on his computer all day.

That’s essentially the same mentality as fucking hookers because you’re equating trying to take it easy and comfort with happiness instead of trying to push yourself at all times to become a little bit better every single day.

That’s wouldn’t really make you happy any more than paying for prostitutes would even if you magically got that girl. First of all, the girl would quickly realize that you don’t feel deserving of her, that you don’t really feel entitled to her, that you’d cheated your way into getting her, and she would eventually dump you.

First way that this would happen is if you go out to the mall, walking for example, and you got this super hot, darn piece cute girl in your arm, and other guys start flirting with her in front of you, and you then fucking freak out because you’re not used to having a hot girl like that. You haven’t developed your confidence or entitlement to feel like you really deserve that girl and you try to pull Suzie away from the guys hitting on her, and she senses that neediness coming off of you, that not being cool.

Maybe you tell her you don’t want her to dress up hot because you’re super jealous, and you feel like you have a girl that you don’t really deserve, and she slowly loses attraction for you and eventually she fucking dumps her ass.

Even if we could magically put a potion on this girl so that she’ll always love you no matter what, well, if you have these habits of wanting comfort and taking it easy associated with happiness, you’re just going to spend all day indoors with your girl, doing as little as possible. You’re not going to push yourself to be the best man you can be.

Your girlfriend eventually who was once hot will take on your associated habits, not push herself. She’s not going to the gym if you’re not going to be. She’s going to be eating bad foods, the same bad foods you’re probably going to be eating. She’s going to have the same bad habits. She’s going to be watching passive entertainments, and eventually, she puts on a lot of weight.

Maybe you are jealous of her, other guys hitting on her, so you encourage her to look worse and worse and worse and worse so she’s not hit on by guys anymore. Eventually you’ll just have this girlfriend that has lost her swagger and lost her looks because you never had the swagger. You never really deserved to have her in the first place. Then, your happiness level will decline because eventually she won’t be the sweet, nice, petite, thin little girlfriend you have in the first place at the beginning.

Guys also do this in terms of being the provider, so they try to cheat their way by throwing money at girls like, “Hey, girl! Look at my nice job. Look at my nice clothes. Look at my nice car. Look at my nice apartment.” Instead of trying to push themselves to be the best man they can be, they’re trying to cheat their way through the system.

Well, that’s not going to bring happiness anymore than paying prostitutes would because what happens to these guys is that if they get a girl that they don’t really deserve by paying money through it, eventually the girl will lose attraction for him because the guy doesn’t have swagger. He hasn’t pushed himself socially. He doesn’t feel entitled to have her, so as the years go by, they lose attraction for each other, and the girl eventually dumps him and takes half his money.

The same thing: you’re trying to equate comfort and taking it easy with happiness. In the short term, that can work but it’s not a long-term solution. It’s not sustainable as a lifestyle.

Okay, guys, what does all this mean? It just means that real happiness comes from a dynamism, from a flow, from putting environmental pressure on yourself, exerting that environmental pressure on yourself so that every day, you become a little bit better.

Every day, you can last a little bit longer. Every day, your business will become a little bit more fine-tuned. Every day, in terms of your pickup skills, you know you become a little bit more experienced, more knowledgeable, more centered in yourself, more calm, more relaxed in terms of your state. Every day, you’re becoming a little bit more positive, and you can sustain that a little bit longer.

It’s not about how comfortable you can be. It’s not about how easy you can be because even in the short-term, that will bring a little bit of immediate pleasure and easy stimulation, easy happiness, but it’s a long-term game plan.

If you’re not progressing, you’re going to be dying slowly…slowly…slowly. You’re going to be falling down that hill.

That basically means you have to make a mindset shift that you don’t necessarily want the magic bullet in pickup where you’re going to get the girl you’re crushing on to get down on her knees and suck your dick in 5 minutes from a magic phrase or magic little trick where you trick this girl you don’t feel entitled to having sex with you.

Instead, you learn how to approach girls. You learn how to go maybe difficult social environments where you have to put social pressure on yourself and feel a little bit uncomfortable. But that’s okay because you’re learning how to do it the proper way, so that when you go into these environments, you can naturally attract girls the proper way where she genuinely feels attraction for you.

When you win that girl over, she genuinely wants to be your girlfriend. She genuinely admires you. She is genuinely in awe of you and in love with you, and she genuinely wants to be with you. You develop those long-term habits of going to the gym, eating proper, developing your relationships, developing your swagger, developing your social skills, so that 5 years out from now, you are actually a guy that is to be admired by other men.

By the time you hit 40 or 50, and you’re walking through a Wal-Mart or the mall, other guys look at that older guy and say, “Hey, that’s a cool motherfucker that has swagger, and I want to be that guy.” Instead of one of these guys who took the easy route of short-term pleasure, of equating happiness with comfort, and eventually fucking ruin their lives.

By the time they hit 40 or 50, they’re having their midlife crisis. They’re out of shape. They’ve got a beer gut. They’re not dressing well. They got bad posture. They can’t approach a girl. They’re super nervous. They don’t feel entitled. They’re kind of lost. They don’t know what they’re doing with themselves.

You don’t want that to be you.

Happiness comes from progress, making pressure, putting yourself in tough situations where you can make a little bit of progress every day just like being that astronaut up in space where you’re forcing yourself to do the exercise so that you can improve every single day.

Okay, guys! Hope you enjoyed this video, and I will talk to you later.

Jesse out!

21 thoughts on “The Reason You Don’t Get Laid Easy – Seeking Comfort Over…”

  1. Actually, the reason I never got laid (I’m 57 and, not unreasonably, have given up trying now) is that I have zero self-confidence, am short and ugly, have a horrible personality, and women have always reacted to me with indifference or revulsion. I don’t blame them. I’m useless. It is what it is. Alcohol is a great comfort. I’ll be dead soon. Hoorah.

  2. I love Tony Robbins – when your green you grow, when your ripe you rot.

    though i believe he got that from Jim Rohn, his teacher.

    you are right Jesse, people need to know the Pain-Pleasure Principle

  3. I can totally relate to this. I made a lot of money quit my job invested the money and left the country. 1 year later I was doing great, doing everything I dreamed of doing but never had the time to do. 2 years later the investments had doubled, which should be great but instead has led me to become lazy. Swimming in my condo went from 5 times a week to 4,3,2…going out started to become a chore especially when I already had enough booty calls. Anyway. I took a long hard look not at my life now but at where I was heading. Im moving to another country in January and the battle for success is back on

  4. Right on Jesse!I like everything you are saying. “Environmental Pressure” is a good way to see it. I use the term “Evolutionary Pressure”, which is to remind us that these pressures are meant to make us evole.I can testify to the effect of exercise. I’m 52 and I still get IOI’s from women in their 20′s. I know for a fact that it’s because I am an older man with the body of a younger man. Women seem to like that.Guys, take everything Jesse is saying to heart. Here: I’ll get you started. Exercise your whole body 3 times per week. It’s efficient and guaranteed to spike your testosterone. Book: The New High Intensity Training, by Ellington Darden. That’ll get you started.Thanks Jesse for the great discussion.

  5. Really good stuff — I’ve probably fallen into this trap of having a good job and getting lazy and complacent.

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