https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKUPeW797BQ
Question for Jesse: “Hey, Jesse, why is it that women have it so easy compared to guys and get to be the chooser? Why do men have to do a hell a lot more work than women in dating?”
It’s from Tommy. Good question.
Do women really have it easier than men in dating?
Now look at it from a woman’s point of view. Let’s take a woman in a nightclub. Let’s say she’s a hot girl with the full makeup on, the beautiful blonde hair, and the high heels, and the tight little dress, and the great legs, and nice little boobs.
Okay, is she really the chooser?
In one sense she IS the chooser because any guy that comes up to her, she can say yes or no to, or find out more about him. She can passively stand there and she will meet some guys.
Women’s hands are tied
But here’s the problem. Let’s say that there’s a guy over on the other side of the club, this handsome dude that her friends say, “Okay, this guy is the real deal. He’s romantic. He’s looking for a girl to wife up, that he wants to bring to Paris. He’s true and faithful. He’s exciting and he’s dangerous and he’s successful. He’s like the whole package.”
Can she really just go up and meet that guy? No! The answer is no because if she goes up and meets that guy, first of all the friends that she’s with, female and male, are going to slut shame her. “No, no, no. That was bad, bad, bad. What kind of girl are you?” They’re going to slut shame her.
Second, it’s not really socially acceptable for women to take action like that. It’s not really in women’s genetic programming to take action like that. They want to see the man take action, and women are even more nervous about cold approaching people than men are. Whatever nervousness you feel, women feel it even stronger.
Yeah, she can meet guys that come up to her but she’s limited. She can’t take control of her own destiny into her hands and take action with that. She can’t take massive action. It’s kind of like she’s got these chains on her wrist that constrain her.
Whereas look, as a man, if you’re in a nightclub, you can go up to all 100 girls in that nightclub and meet them, or you can pick up your top 20 favorites and meet them all.
If you’re in a mall, you can take action and meet all those girls in the mall, too.
You’re not going to be slut shamed for doing that. People are going to hold you up on a pedestal and think that you’re a god. They’re going to look up to you. That’s going to be admirable and that’s great because you can more better design your lifestyle. You can take control of your destiny more, so it’s kind of like a tradeoff. Even though you can’t passively stand there as a man and expect to get some success, you can reap even more success if you’re a massive action taker.
The pyramid – who is really on top!
You want to look at it as being this pyramid where the biggest part of the pyramid on the bottom is going to be all the passive men because if you’re a passive guy and you’re a passive girl that are not going to take action and you’re just going to stand there.
Of course, it’s going to be better to be the girl because you’re going to have a little bit more options than the guy. But if you’re going to be the massive action taker, you’re getting more options.
So, the bottom of the pyramid is all those men that are completely passive; then a little bit above that are all the girls that are average-looking girls. They can stand. They’re going to meet a couple of guys.
Above them are the really pretty girls in the prime of their sexuality. They’re going to have even more options because even though they’re passive, they’re going to meet even more guys.
But at the very top of that pyramid are going to be the action-taking men who are going to have the most control over life. They’re going to be top of the pyramid because just through sheer numbers, they can meet a lot of women. They’re going to have more control over the quality of women that they want to meet over where the women that they want to meet are going to be, whether it’s at the tennis court, for example, or nightclub, or bookstore.
They just have more options because they can be proactive. They can go anywhere. They can land in a new city or new town and have a new girlfriend in a weekend. Personally, I think that’s the best deal of all. You really shouldn’t be jealous of women.
Men burn like candles – women explode like fireworks
Another issue that a hot girl has is that she has a very short lifespan. Girls usually reach their peak at age 16, 17, 18, 19, and because they reach their peak so young in terms of their femininity, they don’t have much world experience.
They’re not too smart about it, so they’re eating junk food. They’re not exercising. Maybe their smoking, maybe their drinking, or maybe they’re just watching too much TV or spending too much time on the computer, doing social media, on their phones.
They’re frittering away their youth. They’re frittering away the peak of their power because they don’t know any better because they’re so young. Then by age 24, 25, they’ve already gone down the hill.
Of course, I’ve met 50-year-old women who are fitness fanatics and had bodies of 20-year-olds, but that’s very, very rare.
Ninety percent of girls hit 24, they hit the wall; 25 they hit the wall because they don’t care take care of themselves. They don’t know any better because they hit their peak so young.
Now as a man, your peak is from age 16, 26 to 36 is you’re coming into your prime as you long as you are taking action, as long as you are taking massive action and reaching for success. You can be going on into your 40s. You can be going on into your mid 50s if you’re hitting the gym and taking care of your body.
A man has a much longer shelf life.
A man is kind of like a slow-burning candle that burns brighter and brighter gradually as the years go by whereas a woman is like a firecracker. Boom! But then she’s out. It burns brightly, burns intensely brightly, lights up the night sky, but just as quick as it started, it’s over.
If you’re going to give me the two deals, I would rather be that long-burning candle that can plan, maybe you’re dumb at 16 or 17, or 18, you make mistakes. Well you can correct course in your mid 20s or even in your mid 30s. You can correct course in your mid 40s and come back from being dumb, and stupid, and young and design your dream lifestyle. You have a lot more time to work with whereas the woman’s peak years are when she’s least experienced.
Mature men aren’t butt-hurt babies
The other thing is like just being butthurt about girls have it so easy and I wish I could just passively sit here, stand here, and do nothing and have it as easy as the hot girl.
I mean that’s childish thinking. It’s kind of like, “Why do I have to eat my vegetables? I just want to eat ice cream for lunch and dinner and I’m butthurt about that.”
I mean that’s childish thinking. That’s not manly thinking. That’s not coming from your masculine energy of wanting to compete, wanting to conquer, wanting to crush it.
That’s being a little kid and living in a fantasy world.
Reality is not like that. Reality is that as a man with a cock, society doesn’t need you.
I mean if you designed a special bomb that just killed off all the men and left the women untouched and you dropped this bomb on your hometown or your home city, all the men were wiped out and there was just one man left standing with a thousand women. He could fuck every single one of those thousand girls, get them all pregnant, and repopulate the population within one generation.
Whereas if you had the opposite bomb that just killed off all the women but left all the men standing and you had 1,000 dudes and one girl left, well she can only carry one child at a time. So all those men are going to be fighting, going to war over each other over this very scarce. Because she can only carry one child at a time, it’s going to take 10 generations to repopulate that society.
A society that’s mostly all women is a much healthier population than a society that’s mostly all men. So the world has way more dicks than it really needs, so nobody cares if you get killed. Nobody cares if you’re going to sit in front of the television and be passive and not take any action.
Advertisers love that. Companies love that because it’s more time where your eyeballs are watching ads and buying things and actually getting on with your life, being successful, and meeting girls.
So will you be at the bottom… or the top?
Again, no one is going to care if you’re at the bottom of the pyramid. There’s only so much space at the very top for the extreme action takers. You can’t have thousands of guys flooding the nightclub or the mall cold approaching girls. It just wouldn’t work. Society would fall apart.
There’s only so much space at the top.
What’s good about being a guy is that most guys won’t’ take action. There’s very few spaces at the top but there’s no men stepping up to take them. If you want to take control of your destiny, if you want to be at the top of that pyramid and have it even better than a hot girl, more options than a hot girl by taking control, by working on yourself, by hitting the gym, by cold approaching girls, it’s there for you.
It’s there for the taking, and you can do it. It’s very doable if you put in the time and the effort.
I will admit, there are times I feel like punching a man’s lights out, making him squeal like a puppy as I break his fuckin’ neck, for hearing phrases such as “Man Up, Be a Man, Grow a Pair, Grow some Balls”, mainly because there are times I hate the cards I was dealt with for being born male, that i’m expected to approach, lead and take charge, make things happen, be dominant, etc. Since a fight is a form of aggression and that involves testosterone, that is being masculine in its own way
I can think of a another good reason as to why it has always been and probably always will be expected of us guys to approach and make the first move, be the initiator, lead the interaction, why? here it is right here:
“Because women, due to their relatively high reproductive value, do not have to ‘do’ in order to demonstrate their worth. They have a womb, so simply existing is enough. Us men with our low reproductive value – since one man can do the reproductive work of hundreds – have to demonstrate our value in other ways .. ‘doing’ is how we do this, or or ‘protection and provision’, if you like. Those who protect and provide the best, get their choice of reproductive partners
And this is why you still predominantly have males in top positions – we have a real compelling reason to compete hard – women don’t”
the quote is also referring to, when it says women don’t have to “do”, it also means women get to be passive and follow, because approaching, leading, initiating/escalating are forms of “doing”, and we all know whose shoulders that falls upon, and I figure that’s a good biological reason as to why reality is like that
Yeah I would say most are over 30 that approach men on the whole. It happens quite a bit. I have also seen some that are under 30 approach the “hot guys” and fawn all over them. That is more common than you would think. I think the point of the article is that men have this “advantage” of approaching. That’s not totally true in today’s dating world. It actually has not been true for at least 20 years. An attractive woman can pretty much date who she wants in today’s dating world and she can be aggressive. She is the one that controls the whole dance. I like this blog but sometimes I wonder where the info comes from…
Agreed at least in The USA and probably other Anglo sphere nations women hold most of the cards in the dating game, pointing this out isn’t crying just reality. also I am annoyed how the author devalues men in the same breath with the women have babies argument. Most women after 45 cannot have children, many of the occupations that build and keep society running are done by men. Only in our current era of relative peace resulting in a male surplus,
thanks largely to the USA creates this illusion. As any student of history knows things can change quickly.
You say “It’s not really in women’s genetic programming to take action like that. They want to see the man take action”, so you really seriously think it’s part of a womans biologicaly programming to be passive and wait for the guy she wants to literally come to her, even if she is impatiently single and keeps getting approached by guys she doesn’t want, she would rather be stubbornly passive rather than to take matters into her own hands herself? Even if a woman notices a man she is attracted to from a distance, she would stubbornly rather miss out on being with him than to approach him first?
As for being jealous of women, well the part I feel lucky about being born a man, as in human male, is that womens mating market value declines much faster than mens mating market value does, womens mating market value generally starts declining once they hit 30. I got this quote from an Australian Dating Coach/Guru, he said this regarding nice-guys and bad-boys, how women deal with them:
“Some nice guys have the mistaken belief that a woman will go through a “bad boy phase” and then eventually realize that she wants a nice guy who treats her like a princess. This belief stems from seeing very confident, assertive women in their 30s and 40s eventually settling down with a nice guy. Why does that happen? Simple. Women lose their attractiveness as they age. When a woman hits 30 years of age, she rapidly begins to lose value on the mating market. She eventually gets to the point where she has to accept whatever she can get because all the confident guys are either committed or still sleeping with women in their 20s.”
As womens mating market value declines, I like to think of that as life, reality, giving women karma for their lack of initiative, their passiveness towards men they were attracted to, always expecting men to approach and talk to them first, make the first move, ask them out, taking the lead, initiating everything, etc. Because that is not fair at all to the shy, quiet, introverted, socially-awkward guys, but since life is not fair in general, as womens mating market value declines, that itself becomes womens biggest taste when life, reality hits them really hard with a dose of unfairness, this video right here I got on how reality is unfair for the socially-awkward, introverted guys in dating:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91SlnIVDFso
I see women approach quite often in bars and places I hang out. These same women will in addition wait it out until they find their “ideal man.” The restaurants are full of these 30 something’s in Chicago and New York. Same with online. Women are pretty aggressive today. If they want something they go for it. While I believe your post has some merits, it’s not totally true in today’s world. Men have it way worse in dating today.
most of the women that approach men are in their 30’s and older you say? if it is only women over the age of 30, that’s understandable, since they don’t have as many options as they used to, but do you ever see women in their 20’s approaching men? while I don’t hold my breath to be approached by a woman, it’s just whenever I approach women, I do it in a reluctant way.
Thoughts here…