Here’s a conversation tip that will help keep girls engaged in what you’re saying and keep them interested in the conversation rather than just having conversations fizzle out which happens way too often in my opinion.
And that is the tempo: how fast you are speaking.
The big question is, do you want to talk slowly with a lot of pauses, to have that kind of movie romantic pillow talk that creates sexual tension, the man to woman interaction with the girl; or do you want to go fast, a quick tempo, where you are getting the girl reacting to you because you’re just like bam, bam, bam and get her qualifying to you.
Which is it? Do you go slow tempo or fast tempo?
Slow, Fast, and Volume
Now, an even more important factor is the projection of your voice, the volume of your voice.
Your volume is incredibly important for commanding her attention and leading, and that’s a bigger problem guys have because they’re nervous, so they kind of talk very meekly and they don’t want to stand out.
So if volume is a problem for you, don’t even worry about tempo, just work on volume, you want to practice that first. Tempo is a secondary factor.
But, being that it is an important factor and you have the volume down, you have projection, you want to work on tempo. So the question is, slow or fast or both or when do you do them?
The Hook Point
Well for me, it really comes down to finding the hook point of the girl in the interaction.
Okay, a quick explanation of the hook point.
The hook point is when you have the girl’s attention; you have her a little bit invested in the conversation so she’s just not going to walk away. She’s getting better emotions listening to you speak than to simply leave.
So, prior to the hook point, before you have that investment on the girl’s part, I like to speak quickly, rapidly, with a quick tempo.
“Hey I just saw you over there, and I thought you were really cute. I like your look, it’s very sophisticated. Where are you from? Who are you? What do you do? Hey, my name is Jesse, what’s your name?” Shake hands.
You know, it’s fast, it’s bam, bam, bam get the girl reacting, I’m setting the pace, I’m setting the rhythm, I am leading the interaction.
When to Slow Down
Once I feel like it has passed the hook point, the girl’s a little bit invested. I can tell that she’s not going anywhere, she’s going to keep talking to me, then I slow the pace way down.
I start throwing in a lot of pauses. “Hey I’m here at the beach, I just like the feel of the wind on my skin, it’s one of my favorite things to do, and I can feel that you like the beach too, so what’s your name?”
A lot more pausing, a lot more creating sexual tension with slow motion talk. It’s more how you would talk to a girlfriend. You are building a man to woman connection with the girl.
That’s how they speak in movies, usually that romantic love talk. One of my favorite movies is the Empire Strikes Back, when Han is speaking to Leia on the Millennium Falcon, I think I have the clip I’m just going to run it:
Han: You can be a little nicer though, come on, admit it. Sometimes you think I’m alright.
Leia: Occasionally, maybe, when you aren’t acting like a scoundrel.
Han: Scoundrel? Scoundrel? I like the sound of that.
So that’s an example of that slow motion sexy talk that you can use after you’ve reached the hook point.
When You Hit the Hook Point
Now with many girls, as soon as you introduce yourself, as soon as you say, “Hey, my name is Jesse”, you’ve hit the hook point right away. There are girls that are going to be interested in talking to you from the very first sentence but there are other girls that that’s not enough. It takes a minute or two to hit that hook point.
Some girls are very glassy, especially really hot girls, they‘re just like glass. They don’t show much emotional reaction at all, and you actually have to persist and then it’s much better to have that fast paced, that bam, bam, bam get the girl reacting to you, get her qualifying to you, and you never know what kind of girl she’s going to be.
So just as a default, I like to have a very fast, quick tempo on all girls, and then I’ll calibrate after the fact of reading the girl, using just intuitive experience, and then I’ll slow down at the appropriate time, when I feel like it’s the right moment: when I’ve hit that hook point.
So again, just to recap, volume is the most important factor.
A lot of guys are afraid to speak with a lot of volume because they don’t want to stand out, so if you have that problem, don’t worry about tempo, you want to work on volume.
But, as a secondary factor to make things sound even better, once you’ve got the good volume, the high level volume to command and lead the girl, then you can work on your tempo rather than talking too slow at the beginning.
Give her a chance to speak too
Another problem I see is guys just going fast, fast, fast, fast, all the way through almost not even giving the girl a chance to speak, they’re just blabbing out, trying to get the girl to react.
After they build a lot of attraction just keep going with it, they don’t stop with it, they never slow down, they never build that connection with the girl,they never phase shift from fast to slow. So that’s a big problem.
So start all fast, and once you hit the hook point go slow. Slow all the way down, use a lot of pauses.