I received a letter from a guy complaining about I call the intermediate plateau.
“Hey, Jesse, I love watching your videos. I like reading your blog, and I’ve been in the game for 3 months now and I made a lot of fast progress. I’ve been opening more girls. I got some girls to kiss me. I’ve gone on a couple of dates, but recently I feel like I’m just spinning my wheels. I really don’t know what I’m doing wrong, and I want to really get laid with the hot girls.”
Okay so that is essentially the intermediate plateau.
Plateau reason #1. Early successes are easier
Now one of the things to realize is that when you are first starting out, it’s really easy to see improvement because basically you suck.
You’re going to be really excited about getting that first kiss and getting a girl to kiss you. It’s really not that hard with a little bit of work put into it, or you approach some girls. You get some nice responses. The girls are kind of friendly, and you’re like, “Oh, my gosh! I can’t believe that the girls are friendly.”
So you’re getting some easy wins. You’re getting some quick successes that are rapidly going to stack up and make you feel good.
It’s a little bit like when you are going to the gym.
Let’s say you’re a scrawling weakling basically sucked. You’ve never worked out or lifted weights in your life. Well you’re going to gain 10 or 15 pounds of muscle in those first 3 months very easily even if your habits are bad, even if you are eating McDonald’s instead of eating clean foods like turkey and vegetables, or even if you’re not going consistently, or even if you’re form sucks shit, you’re still going to gain 10 or 15 pounds of muscle.
But then after that, once you get to that intermediate level, it’s going to get a little bit more difficult because you’ve already picked the low-hanging fruit.
Picking the low-hanging fruit
It’s the same thing when you start out. You pick the low-hanging fruit. You approach some girls. Maybe you got girls to go out on a date with you, or you got some make-outs, or you got some girls laughing and giggling. That’s the low-hanging fruit.
After that, you’re not sure what you’re doing wrong because you’re not getting the really hot girls all the way to the bedroom, which is a whole different beast entirely.
That’s the first reason you’re going to hit that intermediate plateau is because now you really got to work for the new lessons. You got to work harder for them. It’s not as easy as when you first start out.
Plateau reason #2. Not wanting to backtrack
The second reason that guys hit the intermediate plateau is because they’ve had some level of success. They’re getting some good reactions from girls. Maybe they get some girls to kiss them. Maybe they go out on some dates and they just want to keep repeating that success even if they’re not consistent.
But the problem is that what you did to get you to that level, let’s say you went from a zero to level 2 out f 10 where you’re getting girls to giggle and laugh, what worked to get those girls giggling and laughing doesn’t necessarily work to get girls wet and hot and bothered for you.
So for example, say you couldn’t even approach a girl. You were so nervous to approach a girl but then you learned an opening line and you learned a couple of routines, a couple of dancing monkey routines that get girls giggling and laughing.
Okay, that’s going to get you some successes. It’s going to move you further along, but once you get good at that, that dancing monkey routine that gets girls giggling and laughing is not going to get them hot and wet and bothered for you and it’s actually holding you back.
If you want to move forward, then you would have to drop the dancing monkey routine and maybe try more man-to-woman interaction where you get directly sexual on the girl really fast as an experiment. Try that.
It’s kind of like you’re regressing because now when you try go directly sexual on a girl, you don’t really know what you’re doing, you haven’t tried it before. It doesn’t feel comfortable. It feels very new and different to you, it’s not as comfortable as doing the dancing monkey routine, which you know you can do, and so it feels like you’re regressing. It feels uncomfortable, and you’ve got to unlearn now some bad habits if you want to go from level 1 to 3 to 5.
That’s another reason why guys hit the intermediate plateau is because they’ve got to unlearn some bad habits. They’ve got to go back to the drawing board. They have to take a step back if they want to take two steps forward, and a lot of guys just don’t want to do that. They want to just stick with what they’re doing even if the success is very sporadic and not reliable and not consistent.
Plateau reason #3. With some success, motivation dulls
Another reason guys hit the intermediate plateau is because they don’t have that same level of pain motivating them anymore. When you completely sucked, you were just starting out, maybe you were really desperate. You haven’t gotten laid in a long time and you just felt hopeless and there is this incredible amount of pain driving your decision to go out and meet girls, you know the pain of not taking action was greater than the pain of maybe getting rejected or the stress of going up to a girl.
But now that you’re kind of a little bit better or a little bit more intermediate, you’ve had some sporadic successes, even if they’re not consistent. Maybe you’re getting laid once a month or even once a year. Say you meet a girl and she’s a 6/10, not horrible looking but not really what you want but she’s really into you and she gives you great sex in bed for example. You’re kind of comfortable with that.
You’re no longer completely hopeless. You’re not completely sexless. You’re getting some sex, so you don’t have that same level of pain driving you to move you forward because you’ve had some success. The pain is not 10/10. Maybe the pain is just a 4/10 now and you’re not just as motivated. That’s another reason that guys hit that intermediate plateau is because they’re actually not as motivated as when they first started out.
A success plateau is a combination of the 3
Usually it’s going to be a combination of those three things that result in the intermediate plateau where you feel like you’re spinning your wheels where you pick the low-hanging fruit, and now it’s kind of harder to tell what you’re doing wrong. Before you completely knew what you were doing wrong because you completely sucked, you were maybe putting girls up on the pedestal and you weren’t approaching them. That’s very obvious that you’ve got to fix that, but now it’s now more subtle what you need to do. Maybe you need to have more man-to-woman interactions instead of friend-to-friend, but it’s kind of hard to figure that out or it’s not as obvious.
Then secondly, you don’t want to have that pain of regressing, the pain of going back to the drawing board or relearning things or dropping bad habits, getting out of your inconsistency.
Third, you’re going to have less motivation because now you are getting a couple of results and you’re not as hopeless or sexless as you used to be. Maybe you’re getting laid a little bit, so you don’t have that same motivation pushing you forward.
That creates the intermediate plateau, and right there most people give up. Most guys don’t even start! So if you start at all, you’re ahead of 99 percent of guys. But of the guys that do take action, most cycle in and out – 3 months. They get a little bit of success, they hit that intermediate plateau, and they drop out. That’s pretty typical. They just get that mediocre girlfriend and they’re fine with that.
So if you don’t want to be that guy, I can give you some solutions right now.
Solution #1: Realize that progress isn’t linear
The first is you’ve got to realize that progress in this is not linear. You’re not going from step As to step Bs to step Cs to step Ds. More like you take two steps forward, then you take a step back. You take two steps forward and you take three steps back. You take three steps forward, one step back.
It’s kind of like these hills and valleys that go up and down and they can feel discouraging. Even if the overall trend is going up, you’re going to have a lot of valleys, a lot of down days, a lot of days where you have to start over from scratch and feel like you’re a newbie again.
It’s like that with learning any skill. Let’s say you want to learn Chinese, a very difficult language to learn. You’re going to have your easy wins at the beginning. You’re going to feel like success, success, success because you’re going to learn how to say how are you, what’s your name, my name is Jesse, what are you doing today, etc. You’re going to learn a couple of phrases, and then if you have some Chinese friends, they’re going to be amazed that you learned a little bit of Chinese and pat you on the back about it. You’re going to get a lot of props early on. You’re going to feel like you’re making some fast successes.
But then if you really want to learn Chinese and really delve into the language, man! You’re going to have a lot of difficult days where you’re just slogging it through and it doesn’t even feel like you’re making progress. You need to learn at least 1,000 words to read a basic newspaper and it’s going to feel like it’s going to take forever to get there and you’re going to feel like you’re having a lot of off days. You’re going to forget a lot of words that you learned and you’re going to have to go back and review. It’s not going to be this linear progression that’s always getting better.
Same with sports like if you want to learn how to ski professionally or learn chess professionally. Same thing; it’s not a linear progression.
If you want to learn how to get girls and be really good at it, again it’s not a linear progression. You don’t want to be too hard on yourself and you’ve got to have a little bit of patience. It’s a psychological thing that you’ve got understand there.
Solution #2: Radically adjust and experiment
The second solution is that you have to adjust your routine because what got you to where you are now might not get you to having consistent results of getting girls into bed. Again that example of where maybe you learned some dancing monkey routines and you’re getting girls giggling and laughing and that feels comfortable to do, but it’s not necessarily getting you the results.
That dancing monkey routine is probably getting in your way of getting the girl all the way to the bedroom. So it was better than asking her some boring what do you do questions, what’s your job, boring interview questions but it’s getting in the way. You’ve got to regress and relearn things by taking it from a different angle, for example being more man-to-woman in your interactions.
It’s basically that willingness to backtrack, that willingness to start over, that willingness to push your comfort zone and try new things, that willingness to go on a path of discovery, that willingness to get worse for a while, that willingness to fuck things up and try again and try over, and push yourself and make yourself uncomfortable. That is a way to get out of the intermediate plateau.
Solution #3: Record yourself
The third solution I would recommend is actually to record yourself. Now you don’t need to record yourself on video, but it’s really important to buy a little recorder, an audio recorder. I think you can buy them for $20. You can buy a really nice one for $40 and start recording your conversations with women and you’ll be surprised where there’s moments where you sound really cool and confident and you’re like, “Yeah, that’s me! That’s the guy I want to be! I mean I can see that’s myself there, that cool guy!”
There’s got to be a lot of moments where it sounds weak, where you didn’t even realize you were doing it, but it just sounds kind of lame. You’re like, “That’s not me. I don’t sound like that, do I?”
Recording yourself with audio and reviewing it later is going to give you a more objective view on what you’re doing where you’re going to see your weak spots, where you’re going to see where you’re not performing as well as you could be when you’re objectively looking at it at a later date. So I highly recommend you start recording your audio conversations.
Solution #4: Employ outside observers
Then the fourth solution is to get some professional training. Now reinforcement is great ‑ listening to programs, watching paid programs. My paid program is great. I highly recommend it.
But at the same time, without having an instructor there, looking over your shoulder and seeing exactly what you’re doing wrong, it can be kind of hard to tell what you need to change. You might be a little bit in the dark, confused about where you’re kind of fucking things up.
Having a personal trainer there, looking over yourself can really speed up your learning curve by months or even years in some cases. Paying for paid training, one-on-one paid training will really help you blast through that intermediate plateau.
That is the way to get out of the intermediate plateau, those four solutions I just outlined right there.