When to use canned openers and when not to


I want to address a question from Nelson and he wrote in to me. “Hey, Jesse, is it okay to use canned openers?”

Now ideally, you don’t want to be using canned openers because the thing about opening, the number 1 factor is you really don’t want to be inside your head trying to think in advance what to say to girls because you want to come across as natural and authentic. But more importantly, you don’t want to be coming from a frame of putting a girl up on a pedestal where you see her as higher-value than yourself and you’re trying to impress her, you’re trying to come up with the right thing to say to make her like you. That’s a bad frame to be coming from.

If it is only on the opener, that would probably be okay, but if that is the mentality that’s going to run through the entire interaction, you’re going to be screwed. I mean you’re going to have a tough time going at it.

You don’t want to be thinking in advance, “Canned openers! Here’s my list of ten canned openers, and I see a two set of girls, so I’m going to whip out this canned opener because I think that’s going to make them like me.” You don’t want to be like that.

Now, on the other hand if you are going completely natural and you’re just thinking, “Okay, I’m going to say whatever comes to my mind in the moment,” again that could be putting you inside of your head if you haven’t approached girls. Or if you’re taken a couple of weeks off, you don’t have any momentum and you’re getting back into the groove of things.

Actually you can use canned openers as a temporary crutch just to get the momentum going, to kind of simplify the thought process because if you go too natural, maybe that could put you inside your head and then you come up with all kinds of excuses like, “Oh, you know. I’m not dressed properly to approach this girl. I’m not in the right state. Or she’s really not pretty enough for me, or she’s too pretty, or she’s too old or she’s too young.” I mean your mind can come up with millions of excuses not to approach that girl.

What a canned opener can allow you to do is just again simplify the thought process so that whenever you see that girl, it’s just like, “I’m going to take action and use my canned opener. I see that girl, no matter what the situation, maybe she’s with her friend, maybe it’s awkward, maybe the logistics aren’t the best, maybe I’m not in the best state, maybe I’m not dressed correctly, but I am just going to approach her. I’m not going to think about it. I’m not going to make excuses. I have my canned opener ready to go. It’s like a machinegun bam, bam, bam. I’m just going to use that. Simplify it! Then I’ll go more natural once she opens up to me.”

Some canned openers that you could use for example are just simply introducing yourself. You could say, “Hey, my name is Bob! My name is Jesse! How are you?”

What that allows you to do is it trains you to think more in terms of, “The girl is going to like me for me, not for the routine I’m using.”

It also trains you for not impressing the girl, just simple introduction because I mean if you have some solid inner game, you have core confidence, why couldn’t you just approach a girl and introduce yourself. If you’re assuming value, if you’re assuming attraction, if you assume the girls like you for you, you should be able to do that.

Another good canned opener to use is the false indirect opener where you start off as an opinion opener and as soon as you’re getting a good reaction from a girl, you switch to a more direct opener with some sexual intent to make it a man-to-woman interaction. For example, you can bring two pairs of sunglasses with you around and say, “Hey, I need a female opinion on something. Which of these sunglasses look better on me?”

As soon as you see her eyes light up or she’s giving you a good reaction, then you very quickly instantly switch to the direct opener, which would be, “Oh, by the way, you’re kind of cute actually.”

So it could go like this, “Hey, I need a female—oh, by the way, you’re actually kind of cute.” She might respond right away really well or just let it go for a couple of seconds and then switch to the direct opener. So that could be another canned opener that you can use.

Now one warning about canned openers is that all these tricks and techniques eventually become a hindrance. So for example, I’ve seen guys – this happens a lot – is that they’ll do the first touch escalation they’ve ever done like they might spin the girl around. They get a great reaction from the girl and they’re like, “I need to touch the girl more.”

So then they push the girl. They pull her in. They spin her around some more. They give her a hug. They get a good reaction from that. “Oh, this touching thing really, really works. I’m going to do it some more. Then they get into this thing where they almost become pushy and grabby and almost like molesting the girl there and it’s just more and more and more touching, it becomes too much. They’re like suffocating the girl with touch. Even though touch escalation is great to use on a girl, too much of a good thing eventually just becomes a bad thing.

So it’s the same with these canned openers. Once you start getting to the groove of things, once you start building up some momentum, once you start feeling more confident about yourself and you feel like you can maybe move on past using a canned opener as a way to simplify the thought process. But you can just be more in the moment, just use stuff up on the fly, what you want to be doing ideally is experimenting with different openers and using openers that amuse you, that you kind of find interesting or funny or just keep your interest. You’re not getting bored.

Eventually you want to drop the canned opener for sure and get more experimental and be doing it for yourself and not to impress the girl.

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