This is Jesse here and this video is addressing those guys that are crushing on one particular girl. Maybe it’s Suzie at work or at Jennifer at school, you’re thinking about her all the time.
She’s in your mind, and it’s just killing you that you can’t get this girl, that you don’t know what to do, you don’t know what moves to make.
But one important thing to keep in mind is that it’s often not the girl that is the main reason that you are crushing on here. There’s often many secondary psychological factors involved.
3 Reasons You’re Crushing
For example, crushing on a girl gives you a point of focus to tighten up on your own habits. So when you’re not crushing on a girl, you feel kind of scattered.
Maybe your goals are kind of muddy, but when you start crushing on a girl, then suddenly you start dressing better, or maybe you decide to go to the gym, or you start eating better because you want to impress this girl.
So this desire to impress this girl actually makes you a better man slightly in that you tighten up your habits.
A second factor is that it is a point of ego validation for yourself, so she gives you a little smile.
Maybe you do a small talk with her. She looks your way and your ego is validated. You get this boost of good emotions and this endorphin rush going through your head and it’s very similar psychologically to getting approval from your parents.
The third reason you may want to be crushing on a girl is because you can avoid some hard truths. You can avoid some uncomfortable actions.
For example, taking responsibility for making a more dramatic change of yourself, becoming the kind of man that can attract many different women, becoming the kind of man that had a lot of options.
It kind of lets you off the hook for say really taking your fitness seriously or really taking your health seriously, or really taking your social life seriously.
When you’re crushing on a girl, you can just focus on that one girl and maybe it helps you focus on making small little changes, but it allows you to kind of opt out of making a larger transformation on yourself.
If you do crush on a girl, if you are after one girl, what you have to do is get the hell out of there as fast as possible. There’s a couple of reasons for this.
Why End The Crush
First of all, she doesn’t appreciate you, man. I mean she likes the little validation that you give her.
You’re giving her these little drip, drip, drip ego validation to herself but that doesn’t make you a sex worthy guy. That doesn’t make you the man that she wants to have sex with. So she really doesn’t appreciate it in terms of in a sexual manner. You are just like the nice guy that she gets some good emotions from but she’s not going to have sex with.
Second, it’s very needy behavior, and needy behavior is not very attractive and you are basically practicing the wrong kinds of habits.
You’re installing needy behavior habits, so you practice again and again and again. Some of these are just beliefs. Some of these are thought loops that you do many, many times a day and now you got to un-program yourself.
So you don’t want to program in negative habits, bad habits that aren’t going to get anywhere in life because that takes time to un-program them.
The third reason is that you’re basically wasting time.
You’re not changing yourself in a big way. It’s keeping you down. It’s keeping you mediocre. If you remain mediocre in your habits and your beliefs, you’re going to go a mediocre girl because remember you’re not going to get the girl that you want. You’re going to get the girl based on the man that you are. You’re going to get the kind of girl that is at your level.
Just desiring something or wishing something but not making the fundamental changes to yourself is not just going to fly.
So there’s an old school pickup term back from like 1999 and it’s GFTOW, which stands for “Go fuck ten other women.”
The purpose of fucking ten other women is not to take your mind off the girl, not to forget the girl that you’re crushing on necessarily.
More of that, the amount that you’d have to go through, the amount of changes that you’d have to make to yourself, the amount of fundamental transformation you’d have to go through, the amount of girls you’d have to talk to to have sex with ten other women, the amount of what you’d have to learn, how much you’d have to change your beliefs internally, the amount you’d have to learn about logistics about meeting women, so much would have to change that when you went back to this girl you’re crushing on, you would know how to get her.
But probably even more importantly, you wouldn’t even be interested in her anymore because you would open yourself up to new abundance, new experiences, you’d expand your mind. You’d expand what you see is possible for yourself, so most likely, you wouldn’t even be interested in that girl that you’re crushing on anymore.
The basic lesson to be learned is that if you want to get one girl in particular, you have to learn how to get women in general.
Girls Like Guys Who Are Good With Girls
One thing to keep in mind is that women are very attracted to men that can get women in general. You might think to yourself she would be turned off if I was really good with girls. She would think I would go sleep with some other girl. She wouldn’t feel secure if I could get any woman I want and yeah there’s an argument in that, but remember women want children and grandchildren that will also be genetically successful.
She wants to have male children that will have a lot of sexual options and can have a lot of children.
If you’re the guy in the corner who’s like, “I’m really scared to talk to girls. I really don’t have any options. Mom, what should I do to get girls?”
She doesn’t want to have a male child who is having those same kind of negative thoughts and limitation.
She wants to have male children that have abundance with women. She wants to have male grandchildren that can have abundance, complete options with girls, so that’s very sexy to a girl when a men has a lot of options, when a man knows how to meet women in general, so that’s not an excuse there.
So basically again just to wrap this whole thing up, if you are having oneitis on a girl, if you’re crushing on a girl really hard, and it’s driving you nuts, it’s driving you crazy, that is a dead end. It’s no good for you. You’re going to waste weeks, or months, or years of your life crushing on this girl. She’s not going to appreciate it. Again, it’s a dead end.
Run away from that as fast as possible.