Let me tell you a story when I was younger many years ago. I liked writing, and I had this idea that I wanted to write novels, but not just any novels.
I would be one of the greatest writers in the world. I’d write fantasy novels that rivaled Lord of the Rings.
I’d write trilogies that fans would be reading hundreds of years from now, that would be turned into video games, and I would sell millions of copies, and everyone would know my name. It would be like having immortality.
For other guys, they have similar notions. They want to become a famous actor or they want to make more money than almost anyone else, not a millionaire but a billionaire. Or they want to have the most beautiful girlfriend ever that anyone has ever seen.
Then I got into the study of dating attraction, that kind of thinking followed me along. “I’m going to be the greatest dating coach the world has ever seen. Women will become so entranced by me they’ll stop in their tracks and bow at my feet and men will want to be like me. I will have the very hottest women in the world feeding me grapes by hand and massaging my feet, and I will show everyone my accomplishments.”
That kind of mentality falls along as well with the men I coach. “Tell me, Jesse, how do I become a master coach? How do I become so good with women that I can coach other men because I want to become the very best of the very best of the very best?”
Well look it’s good to set ambitious goals for yourself as long as these ambitious goals are tempered with daily goals and monthly goals.
Problems with Big Ego-Driven Goals
But the problem is that sometimes our goals are heavily based in our own egos where it’s, “Me! Me! Me! I’m going to be the very best in the entire world. Just look at me, look how awesome I am. Look how much better I am.
I am to get rich because I want to get this expensive sports car and live in this badass mansion and the people will give me props and show me some respect and be awed by my accomplishments.”
That whole mentality is driven by how others see you or you’re caught up in proving yourself to others or proving something to yourself and that can certainly provide motivation at first and certainly better than being apathetic or wholly pessimistic.
But in my opinion humble opinion based on my own experience, ego-driven goals and ego-driven motivation is not particularly effective in the long run for hitting your goals or becoming happy. instead of wanting to be the greatest ladies’ man that ever lived and being ego-driven and comparing yourself to others, focus instead on being your best self today.
Don’t worry about what other people are doing. Don’t worry about other people have accomplished. Instead, focus on socializing with people, focus on connecting with people, practice being in that flow state where you’re outside of your head, where you’re present in the moment, when you’re present in your own physical body.
Focus on Today
Instead of thinking about the end-goals into the future, focus today on the process of execution and taking action.
Focus on having fun meeting girls.
Enjoy your mistakes.
Enjoy your screw-ups and laugh at yourself.
I’m telling you, you’re going to have a whole lot more fun that way and you’re going to say motivated because you’re having fun, because socializing and meeting girls is the part of day that you look forward to most, and you don’t need to be the best.
It’s most like living your life the healthy way that you enjoy and meeting the types of people and women that you like spending your time with.
Then maybe you can meet an amazing girlfriend in just a few months with a little bit of training where you can finally meet all your sexual needs and have a complete sexual abundance a lot faster and easier than you through without needing to become the greatest man that ever lived.
That’s why I created Girlfriend Express to quickly get you to your goals with women, link down in the description below, but do it in a healthy way, in a way that’s fun and makes you happy with no pressure.
The second problem with a big ego-driven goal is that you create alienation between yourself and other human beings. “I’m going to be the greatest ladies’ man that ever lived!”
Well, what does that say? It says, “I’m up here and all you shmucks are down here. I’m the super human god, and you’re all mere mortals.” That puts a wall between up yourself and everyone else.
Now being great with girls is actually less about the techniques, although techniques do have their role to play, don’t get me wrong. But it’s more about your ability to connect with people, to make people feel more comfortable around you, to make people feel warm and welcome around you, and identifying with people in their situations and not judging them and not seeing yourself above them.
Ideally you want to be adept at creating a genuine and authentic connection with a girl. Ideally you want to be social with other human beings, so if you’re thinking, “I’m the best! I have this knowledge and skills that you don’t all have,” it puts up a wall between you and others, and that gets in your way of connecting.
You see, an ideally attractive man is not up inside his head. He’s not thinking. He’s not basking in his own ego.
An attractive man can laugh at himself.
Maybe he realizes he’s not perfect but he’s perfectly accepting of his imperfections.
He’s just feeling good in his own body. He’s happy. He’s in the moment. He’s flowing. He’s entitled.
He’s willing to engage with all sorts of people. He’s talkative. He’s expressive and he wants to engage with others. Don’t let your ego for greatness get in the way of becoming that kind of man.
Too Much Pressure
It puts a lot of pressure on you.
When it’s all about your ego, you have this grandiose idea of what you’ll one day become.
The problem is now you have to live up to this huge self-image you created for yourself. If you’re thinking to yourself, “I’m going to be the greatest ladies’ man that ever lived, all women are attracted to me. I’m the shit!” And you go out to approach girls, what happens? You get nervous.
“Well, there’s a cute girl over here, but what if she doesn’t realize I’m God’s gift to women and she rejects me and this big ego I’ve created gets shattered. Wait! If I’m going to be the greatest ladies’ man that ever lived, I can’t be nervous. I’m getting nervous! I’m getting nervous! I can’t be nervous.”
It just messes with your head and you start making excuses to yourself not to approach girls. “You know that girl over there? I’m not going to approach her because she’s not hot enough for the greatest ladies’ man to spend his time on.”
Or, “I’m not going to approach that girl over there. I know I could get her.” You begin avoiding interacting with people to protect that self-image, to protect that big ego of yours.
Lower Your Expectations
What you want to do instead is lower your expectations of success.
Instead of using ego-driven expectations like, “I want to be the very best.” Think in terms of, “If I just open a girl, I win! Nothing more than that. After all, who has the balls to open a girl unless they’re drunk? Nobody that’s who! 99.9 percent of guys simply won’t do it!
If you approach a girl and you open her, even if you just stand there like a dummy and mess everything else up, you’re still a winner, my friend. You won the race and you can pat yourself on the back.
Cold approaching a girl itself is a huge win, so setting a lower expectation and being more humble that the approach itself is the win, it takes enormous pressure off your shoulders.
Then, my friend, you’ll find yourself having more fun, having more success, and staying motivated for the long haul.
There you have it, my friend. Avoid big ego-driven goals. It will motivate you. It’s better than apathy for sure, but that big ego will eventually get in your own way.
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It will give you the tools to land a beautiful girl faster and simpler than you ever imagined. You can say, “Goodbye to your loneliness forever!”