When I was in high school, I really wanted a girlfriend, but I was incredibly shy, and I mean super shy.
You see, I’d spend all my time on my computer, coding adventure and 3D video games and C++, which I absolutely loved to do, so I could be alone all day and not talk to anyone else, but I had no idea how to interact with other human beings. I didn’t really have too many friends, and I had no idea how to talk to a girl and no confidence about doing it.
The very idea of talking to a girl, let alone having an actual girlfriend was just completely out of the question. This shyness followed me into college where I decided, “You know what, it would be great to get an actual girlfriend, but I’m a shy guy, so how can I do this? I got to figure this out.”
Today, my friend, I’m giving you six tips on how to get a girlfriend if you’re a shy guy based on my own experiences and what worked for me and be sure to watch all the way to the end because I have some secret special bonus tips for you as well.
#1. Gradually expand your comfort zone
Now there are certain things you can do, quick fixes, lines you can tell a girl that in theory can get you some results even if you’re incredibly shy. But if you’re a really shy guy like I was, the best way to get a girlfriend is to make a deeper level change and gradually overcome and break out of your shyness.
The way you overcome your shyness is to push and expand your comfort zone a little bit each day. Give your comfort zone a little push, and the next day give it a little push, and the next day give it a little push, and keep on pushing. You want to push your comfort zone fast enough, so you progress, but not so fast that you get so frustrated.
Think of any video game that you like to play where it’s fun, and you just get into this flow state where time seems to pass by effortlessly. If the game is too easy, it’s boring, but if the game is too hard, it’s frustrating and you want to give up. A good video game hits that sweet spot right where it’s a challenge but not so much of a challenge that you just want to pull your hair out.
Likewise, with pushing your comfort zone, you also want to hit that sweet spot where it’s enough to hit progress and you stay motivated, but no so much that you freak out or have a panic attack.
#2. Drop isolating habits
The first way I overcome my shyness in college is that I stopped playing video games and I stopped coding video games. I went cold turkey.
I replaced my computer with joining an array of student groups, and I began making more human friends. I began taking salsa dance classes. I joined a Bible discussion group, even though I wasn’t religious at all. It was purely just to meet people. I joined the Asian association because I liked anime, but I didn’t join the anime group. I joined the Asian association to be meeting people.
Now maybe you’re not on a college campus and you don’t have student organizations to join, but the point is you want to drop all the habits that keep you isolated, antisocial, and alone.
Stop playing video games and throw those games literally into the garbage. Stop surfing the internet on pointless websites and use an app or website blocker like FocusMe to remove those temptations. Stop buying junk food and don’t keep junk food in the kitchen because that crappy food makes you feel lethargic and sluggish and want to stay at home.
Instead, you’re going to fill up that time with group activities like you can go on meetup.com and find a group that interests you, or take group dance classes, or group cooking classes, or join a sports team, or take Improv classes, as long as you’re around other people whatever it is.
#3. Join a speaker’s group
In college, I joined Toastmasters, which is an organization to practice and learn how to do public speaking, and now they got chapters all over the United States in most major cities and college campuses.
Every week, I prepare a talk on a subject and every week I deliver that talk to the Toastmasters group. I practice overcoming my fear of public speaking. I even started my own group where I invite people from the campus to listen to me give a speech on a political or an economic issue, and I talked to groups of 30 or 40 people.
In addition, I took a couple of theater acting classes that included Improv, and I sucked. I sucked at acting real bad, and there were kids in that class that wanted to become professional actors that completely blew me away. But for me, rather than becoming an actor, it was more just about breaking out of my shell and pushing on that comfort zone.
#4. Start approaching girls
Back in college, I forced myself to say hello to pretty girls on campus. I cold approached them. Now this was back in the 1990s. It was just the beginning of the Internet. There were no cellphones. There were no flat screen TVs. There were no books on how to talk to girls. There were not articles to read. There were no videos to watch. I was flying completely blind.
Regardless, I’d approach girls simply to push my comfort zone and try to talk to them, and believe me, that was nerve-racking, to say the least. But nowadays, you’re so lucky you’ve got all this great material right at your fingertips—articles, videos, books, complete instant access that lay out step-by-step instructions on how to talk to girls.
What I suggest you start out with is this: if you’re really a shy guy, lower your expectations and start with something simple. Simply start asking girls for directions. Ask the girl where is the closest Starbucks. “Hey, excuse me. I just have a quick question to ask you. Could you please tell me where XYZ is?”
Remember push your comfort zone just a little bit enough that you feel awkward and uncomfortable and then once you can do that without shitting your pants, start asking girls for their opinions. Walk into a department store and ask the girl, “Hey, can you help me out? I need a quick female opinion. Which of these two shirts looks better? This one or this one?”
Once you can do that, you can move on to the next level to push your comfort zone even more. It’s an incremental process to eventually reach the point where you can turn almost any girl you meet, either into your girlfriend or make her super attracted even if she’s already taken.
In fact, I’ve been coaching men for 15 years now since I launched Seduction Science, and Girlfriend Express is the culmination of those 15 years of experience. If you want to get an amazing girlfriend and break out of your shyness shell forever, check out Girlfriend Express for my step-by-step formula for snagging yourself an amazing, loving girlfriend.
#5. Do verbal exercises at home
Yes, there’s verbal exercises. Verbal exercises that I like to do in the morning just to warm up my mouth before I go out where I might meet a girl or before I shoot a video. Because you know when I make up, I’m essentially that same shy guy I’ve always been, and my mouth is physically cold, so to speak.
It takes me time to physically warm up my jaw muscles, warm up my voice, and remind myself, “That’s what it’s like to be social and talk,” because my natural instinct is to just be extremely introverted and not open up my mouth at all. Just to jolt my social self awake, I’d do a couple of verbal exercises.
For example, I’ll take a random article and I’ll just read it aloud. I’ll find a quiet room alone, or I’ll go outside, and I’ll read the article aloud, but with passion and expression like I’m a Shakespearean actor.
I also do a quick and easy exercise called talking to the wall where I practice riffing and free flowing spontaneous conversation just to a wall. Now the wall of course isn’t giving you anything back like a very unresponsive girl, which teaches you how to carry the burden of the conversation yourself. It teaches you how to never run out of things to say, teaches you how to let go of the outcome, teaches you how to free flow the conversation spontaneously, and teaches you how to lead.
Again, Girlfriend Express has the details of that exercise and other vocal exercises I use to break out of my shyness shell.
#6. Understand this: breaking out of your shyness with girls isn’t easy
You have to expand your comfort zone consistently over many months and years. That means you are going to be uncomfortable at times, regularly uncomfortable. You’re going to feel awkward. You’re going to feel scared at times.
Getting what you want, living the good life isn’t always about pleasant feelings. The thing with today’s society is that when something is uncomfortable, we just give up or don’t do it because you have a world of comfort at your fingertips.
If you just want to play comfortable video games and watch comfortable entertainment television and eat comfortable fatty, salty, sugary food, you can do it. The government isn’t going to let you starve even if you’re broke. You technically don’t have to go to work and you can receive enough assistance that you can just do very comfortable things all day long.
What you want however are those feelings of discomfort. Instead of running away from them, make them your compass. If you want to get an amazing girlfriend, allow that discomfort to lead the direction of what you do. Joining a group of people and getting out of the house and socializing, that feels scary to you, that negative feeling, that’s how you know it’s the direction that you want to go in.
Doing vocal exercises in the morning is a pain in the butt, and you don’t want to do it, well then that’s the direction you want to do in. Cold approaching girls to ask for directions or their opinions freaks you out? Then that’s the direction you want to run in.
Listen, overcoming your shyness is not going to be easy. It’s an uncomfortable process. It can feel scary at times. It takes time and effort, but that’s how you get to real results with pretty girls, and that’s how you get an amazing girlfriend that loves you and is loyal to you, and is sweet and sexy, and hot, and adores you, the kind of girlfriend that other guys are insanely jealous of and scratch their heads wondering how did that guy land that girl.
There you have it, my friend, the six tips for a shy guy to get an amazing girlfriend.
(1) Understand that it’s a process of pushing and expanding on your comfort zone.
(2) Ditch old habits and activities that isolate you and join groups and clubs of people.
(3) Get into a public speaking group or an Improv class, or dance class, or all three.
(4) Start cold approaching girls even if it’s just to ask for directions at first and expand from there.
(5) Do the verbal exercises that I gave you in Girlfriend Express.
(6) Understand that the process is not supposed to be easy and that life, at least the good life, isn’t all about easy comforts. Your discomfort is your blessing, you compass of what direction to go in.
All right, my friend, if you like this video, be sure to hit that like button. If you loved it, hit subs, and be sure to check out Girlfriend Express. It has a step-by-step process of getting that girlfriend that you deserve, a loyal loving girlfriend even if you’re a shy guy.