The gym can be a great place to meet women. There are gorgeous girls there working hard to look their best, and if you go about it the right way, you can land a real beauty. Since you go there multiple times a week – or even daily – you have time to make your move. On the flipside, unlike a bar or club, you have to come back to this place. You don’t want to get a bad reputation or feel ashamed of yourself each time you walk through the door.
It might seem like there’s a thin line between picking up girls at the gym the right way and coming across as creepy. But by following a few fundamental rules, you’ll have nothing to worry about.
This is how the Adonis Alpha goes about approaching women in the gym.
Remember that she’s vulnerable
While everyone is at the gym for similar reasons, many people feel very vulnerable there. They’re working on themselves to try and look better, and are therefore aware of all their flaws. They’re comparing themselves to others, and wondering if they look stupid doing certain exercises.
There’s a chance you can take advantage of this vulnerability, by helping a girl feel safe and confident. By coming across as nonjudgmental, friendly, and helpful, you’re making the gym into a far more welcoming environment. She’ll appreciate and like you for this.
However, without the necessary preparation, you’re much likelier to do the opposite. If you approach a girl too aggressively, her defenses will kick in immediately. Those defenses are already simmering under the surface, after all. Instead of seeing a confident man who cares, they see someone judging their every move. Instead of making them feel safe, you end up giving them more reason to feel vulnerable.
You have to find the right balance, and the first step is to…
Take it slow
The most important thing to remember is that you have time and you must use this to your advantage. You don’t have to – and should not – approach a hot girl the moment you set eyes on her. At that moment, your basest instincts are talking. Remember, your instincts for lust and domination are not “bad” or even unwanted, but they scare girls away if you don’t cushion them in some way. Instead of going with your lust, you should take the time to strategize, and find a way to build a rapport.
Start by flashing her a smile. But don’t do it in a leery way. There’s a time for lasciviousness, and that’s not now. Right now, your smile should indicate camaraderie. You and her are on the same page, as you’re both trying to improve your fitness. For this to have an effect, you can’t look like you’ve been following her, either. Continue with your workout in a similar area and keep an eye out for her, so that you’re aware when she walks by. She’ll appreciate the smile and won’t feel harassed.
Don’t approach her until you see her at gym on another day entirely. Share a light joke or comment, that has no sexual undertones. Say something about a class you’ve both taken, like, “Wow, that was really tough.” Comment on a trainer or the equipment. Something completely innocuous.
Remember, you’re building a foundation. Only once you’ve gotten to the point that you can casually say hi to each other, should you start flirting.
Timing is key
When you’re ready to start flirting, make sure you get the timing right. Don’t try talking to her while she’s on the treadmill or on a stationary bike. Rather, try catching her between exercises, when she’s not too flustered or out of breath. The last thing you want is to irritate her by ruining her workout. Also, girls are much more open to flirting when they feel attractive. So when they’re running or cycling flirting is the last thing on their minds, even if you find their panting and sweating hot.
Wait for the perfect moment, but make sure your approach still looks somewhat natural. Following her around, before stepping in as soon as she puts down a weight or steps off the treadmill, comes across as creepy. So, while you manufacture the situation, make it seem organic. Usually, if you stick around in the same area as her, the opportunity will present itself.
Compliment her… with class
Do not compliment her on how she looks. Remember, she’s very self-conscious right now, and might take your compliment the wrong way.
Rather, compliment her workout or dedication. Say something like, “Your workout looks really tough.” This shows her that you’re comfortable seeing her as an equal. A lot of men are insecure when a woman’s workout is as hard or harder than theirs. This sort of comment shows you’re not insecure about your manliness.
Alternatively, ask something like, “Are you training for an event/race?” This implies that you’ve been so impressed by her, you assumed she’s a competitive athlete. But don’t say this to a girl who is clearly struggling. She’ll just think you’re mocking her.
At this point, a compliment should lead to a conversation. You’ve built up the foundation, and if she is at all interested, she’ll be happy to start talking.
Make small talk… but know when to stop
Conversation should flow naturally now. She feels comfortable with you, since you’ve created a “natural” rapport. Keep the conversation somewhat light and let it progress naturally.
But, even if the conversation is going perfectly, know when to stop. She’s at gym to work out, and will want to reach her goals regardless of how good the conversation is. Don’t try to derail her workout. This will only lead to her avoiding you in the future – not because she does not like you, but because she knows you’ll distract her.
Also, if the conversation never really gets going, there’s a reason for it. Maybe she’s already in a relationship and is uncomfortable talking to other men. Maybe she’s just shy and will never be comfortable talking to a stranger. If it’s not working, move on. You don’t want to risk your reputation. This is not only because it will ruin your chances with other girls, but because gym is an important part of your life. You spend a lot of time there working on yourself and shouldn’t mess that up trying to seduce a girl who has sent clear signals.
Get her number… and give her space
You don’t have to get her number the first time you have a conversation, although that’s certainly possible. As you’re talking, tell her you’d like to get together sometime. Be casual about it, but stay confident and to the point. Ultimately, she probably has a good idea that you’re trying to get her number. So, while saying it straight out will scare her off, beating around the bush forever will annoy her. By confidently suggesting you hang out outside of the gym, you can get her number without taking too much of her time. Again, she is there for her workout, and will want to get back to it no matter how well you’re getting on.
Bonus: Do’s And Don’ts
The above process, if done correctly, will get a girl’s number without ever making you look or feel like a creep. But there are some important considerations to make sure you give it your best shot.
Don’t: dress like a slob. A dirty white t-shirt and old shorts are not attractive. Dress in well-fitting gym gear that is in good condition and that does not show off your sweat stains.
Do: use a sweat towel. You shouldn’t be afraid of sweating at the gym. But if you just let it run down you, you’ll look and smell like a slob.
Don’t: stare at yourself. Confidence is attractive. Vanity is not.
Do: access your masculinity. This does not mean that you beat your chest, but that you keep aware of the body you’re working on and of your innate potency
Don’t: cause conflict with other guys in the gym. That sort of masculinity will be seen as toxic.
Do: get social. Coming across as friendly is the best way to lower a woman’s defenses. By being social and getting to know your fellow gymmers, you’ll have a head start. It’s not a hard thing to do, either. Everyone is there for a common purpose, and there are countless ways to make conversation.
Don’t: talk to girls with headphones. If you try to engage a girl and she keeps her headphones on, that’s a clear sign she’s not interested. Take the hint.
Do: speak to chatty girls. They’re more likely to welcome your approach and give you a shot.
Don’t: ask if she’s single.
Do: ask the staff for help. They’ll often know better than anyone who’s available and who’s not, who’s looking for someone and who keeps herself under lock and key.