I’m going to show you a little secret, a little shortcut for dating any girl, a way to bat out of your league and short circuit the dating market so that you can beat the dating game.
It’s a little concept I call leveraging your proximity which affects the cognitive biases of women like the sunk cost fallacy, the ingroup bias. I’m going to explain how that all works right now.
Do you feel like there is so much competition out there like a girl could just open up her phone now and she gets messages from hundreds of guys giving her validation, giving her attention especially if she’s a really pretty girl? How do you compete with that? How do you stand out?
How do you get the girl to pick you over all these other men?
You’re afraid that you’re going to end up alone. You’re afraid that you’re not going to get the girl that you really want, the girl that maybe you really deserve.
I’m going to show you how to completely short circuit the dating process, so that you’re not in this competition with nearly as many guys, and we’re going to be deep diving into some real human social behavior, some economics, some history there.
We are going to get real nerd on explaining why this process works. We’re going to be throwing around terms like feudalism and capitalism, and if you start to wonder, “Where is Jesse going with this? When do we get to the part where I get laid with the exact girls I want most?” Don’t worry. We are going to get there. This is a journey, and I promise you by the end, the nature of reality will be revealed.
Life 1,000 Years Ago
Let’s go back 1,000 years ago to Medieval Europe. It was not capitalist yet. You didn’t have factories. You didn’t have workers.
You didn’t have capitalism in the way we think of them now. You didn’t have profit-making.
The economy wasn’t driven by profit. Most people work on a farm, and whatever they produced on that farm, they immediately consumed it. Generally, people would never wander more than 10 miles away from where they were born because people weren’t rich enough to have their own riding horse, so you’d spend your whole life in the same place.
Yes, there will be trade as well, but generally not with money. Maybe I’m growing chickens and my neighbor has some turnips. We would just do a direct trade of chickens for turnips.
You wanted entertainment? Well, there wasn’t really much. Maybe you’d go to the local church on Sundays and hear the priest speak in Latin, a language you probably couldn’t even understand. You certainly could not read anything yourself, or maybe you had an older person in the house who would tell you stories from when they were young, or maybe pass on stories from their grandfathers.
For clothes, there most likely wasn’t a store. Most likely you got hand-me-downs from your mother’s generation, or from the older kids, or your mother sewed the clothes herself, or maybe you were lucky enough to have a tailor in the local town, but even then, you might have a choice of just one or two items that he knew how to make.
As for belief systems, well you couldn’t read and the church pretty much dictated what you were going to believe and you just believed it because that’s all you knew and you just knew that the king was anointed by God and you followed orders, and you just went about your life, and that was it. It was very simple.
The Feudal economy
And now we get to the feudal dating system, and like all other aspects of life 1,000 years ago, it was pretty simple. It wasn’t too complicated.
Maybe you’d go to the local church and you’d meet a girl there when you were 16, 17, or 18 years old, and the families would match you up, or kind of almost like an arranged sort of thing, but not quite. You might have a little bit of say on who you wanted, but generally, the families would get together and say, “These two people are a good match,” and you’d just be hooked up from a very young age into a marriage to start producing kids.
There was no dating market in the way we think of modern dating today, and even if you were super wealthy, super rich, you were in the upper class, you were a lord, you know maybe you could play the field a little bit until your early 30s, but you were still expected to marry a very young virgin rather early in life.
A thousand years ago, food was not in the market. You just consumed and ate whatever you produced on your farm. Clothes were not a market; you usually get hand-me-downs from your mother or your family.
Entertainment was certainly not a market; you couldn’t even read. The only entertainment you got was maybe going to church on Sundays and listening to the priest talk in Latin.
Dating was certainly not a dating market. You were hooked up by a very young age, 16, 17, 18 into marriage.
Yes, my friend, if you’re wondering, “Where is Jesse going with this?” Don’t worry. We are getting to the part where you can short circuit the dating market and date the exact girl you want with far less competition. You just have to understand a little bit of the history of the human condition to understand how this tip works.
Now by the 1800s, you have mass production really taking off in the United States, in Germany, in England. Capitalist relationships are swallowing up more and more people. Millions of people who were farmers before suddenly started moving into cities and become laborers in businesses and factories.
Capitalist markets begin to emerge for food, for entertainment, for travel, for your belief systems, and suddenly, you have dozens of choices, maybe hundreds of choices. For example, companies are competing for your business for what you wear. Suddenly, you start seeing hundreds of different brands.
Moving forward to the modern era, what happens when you grow up in an environment where you have thousands of choices in the supermarket? What happens when you have thousands of choices of how to be entertained on Netflix and Hulu on demand at the tips of your fingers? What happens when you have hundreds of different belief systems competing for your attention where the church is no longer the center of the moral fabric?
Well, that shapes our expectations of what we believe that we deserve because now we expect and we demand to be able to browse from hundreds of different samples, hundreds of different choices, choices in what we eat, choices in what we watch on television, choices in what we want to believe, choices in what we want to wear.
When we don’t have unlimited choices, take for example the United States political system where you only have Republicans and Democrats, for a lot of old people that’s fine because they’re not so used to having as many choices, but young people feel like that system is old and corrupt, and they don’t bother voting because they’re just used to having so many choices in life. How people has meet each other has drastically changed as well to reflect that capitalist mindset of having thousands of choices.
A thousand years ago, you didn’t really have a choice. You didn’t really have options. Maybe in the village, there would only be one, or two, three, or four fertile women. That’s all you got to choose from, and often your parents would kind of step in and arrange things, so you’d be married off at the age of 16 or 17, or 18, and that was it. There was no dating. There were no options. There was no choice. It wasn’t a market. It was feudalism.
But by the 1900s, the way people meet each other had become just like a capitalist market, just like the way we purchase food, clothes, or entertainment, or what we believe. We have hundreds of choices on markets. Now there suddenly was a dating market.
In the same way that we shop around for the clothes that will give us the most status for our money, we shop around for good values in the food that we eat, we shop around for belief systems that seem to appeal to us. We also shop around for the sexual partners that are going to give us the most bang for our buck, the most value for our dollar.
The Dating Market
We, human beings, naturally become conditioned by capitalist markets, start to see other human beings as products on a market, products to sample. You see a girl, you go on a date with her, and you start comparing her to all the other girls out there. “This girl has pretty hair. This girl has a nicer face. This girl has a better personality. This girl has a better body. This girl is better educated than this other girl.”
Women likewise start comparing men as products on a market for comparison. “This man has a more prestigious job than this man. This man makes me feel something where this man doesn’t give me the tingles in quite the same way. This man is taller than this man. This man dresses better than this other dude.”
That’s natural when everything in life, everything about your life is a market for comparison of different products, you naturally compare different human beings to one another. Women do it to men, men do it to women because you want to get the best value for your dollar. You want to get the best value for your time invested.
The result of this capitalist dating market is now you feel the pressure. You feel the competition from other men. You feel like now the girl is the chooser, and you have to put your best foot forward and impress the girl, stand out from the other guys because now you are in direct competition.
Yes, my friend, keep on watching because we’re now getting to the most important part of this video and why this is so important to understand how to short circuit the dating market, how to flip the script and get the exact girl you want, so you will not be competing with nearly as many men.
Now in the last 20 years, the market in competition has heated up even more than before with the emergence of the Internet.
In the past, say you want to read a book, you’d have to get in your car, drive to a bookstore. Say you want to read a book on business, you might have a couple of dozen books to choose from on business, maybe 100 books at most. If you want to buy a new shirt, you were limited to the physical stores that you could physically get to either walking, driving in your car, taking public transit. You didn’t have a whole lot of options.
Internet Everything Access
But now, with the Internet, every product is easily accessible. Every product is competing with every other product. If you want to buy a book on business, you have hundreds of thousands of books to choose from on business. If you want to buy a new shirt, you literally have thousands of brands to choose from on the Internet.
You have emerged what is a perfect market, perfect competition where every variant is up against in competition with every other variant, and you have all the options at your fingertips. Now you have almost godlike choice, magical choice at your fingertips which has shaped our expectations even more because now we expect to have all options available to us.
Now the dating market has followed along in exactly the same manner, thanks to apps like Tinder where now every single man is competing with every other single man in a perfect market where all a girl has to do is pull out her phone, open up her app, and she’s got every thirsty guy in a 15-mile radius showering attention on her.
Even if she’s a rather average-looking woman, all she has to do is take a couple of hundred photos, choose the best couple, get a little Photoshop going there, put a few filters to change the lighting, make her look good, and all of a sudden, she’s going to get hundreds if not thousands of thirsty, horny dudes showering her with attention, showering her with compliments, telling her how pretty she is, and so on.
Or she can install Instagram on her phone and now all of a sudden, she’s seeing the wealthiest guys, the richest guys, the guys with the most interesting playboy lifestyle, or they guys who are just good at faking it. They know how to take a good picture, and she now perceives, “That’s what I deserve. I’m getting all this sensory stimulation of this interesting, fun, handsome dudes. That’s the kind of guy I should have.”
You got this super hypercompetitive market that puts a lot of pressure on you because no matter how good-looking you are, there’s always going to be better-looking guys online she can look at. No matter how much money you make, there’s going to be guys that are just throwing around hundreds of thousands of dollars in their private jet, in their fancy car she can see online, and can start comparing you to those guys.
Now you have to compete and brand yourself. It’s like you’re just a piece of meat in a beat market—pure unfettered, naked raw capitalist competition where the bottom 50 percent of guys just get left in the dust and they are left with nothing.
In all fairness, it’s tough for girls, too, in the market because a guy can just turn on his phone and look at some adult entertainment, look at pictures of pretty girls, and now he expects the girl to be smart, educated, and pretty with an amazing body. His expectations get blown up as well.
The Market is a Loser’s Game
Here’s the thing: it’s a losers’ game to participate in that hypermarket if you are going on looks and money and what social conditioning says you should have because there’s always going to be a guy who is richer than you, there’s always going to be a guy that is taller than you, there’s always going to be men that are better-looking or more muscular, or whatever it is.
Even an 18-year-old girl who has accomplished nothing in life on that hypermarket place will always have more value than you if she is young and pretty. Even if she’s done nothing in life and you cured cancer and saved little babies in Africa, it’s not going to matter. She’s always going to be above you.
It’s essentially a loser’s game to participate in that hyper-capitalist market. Here’s how to bat way out of your league, how to short circuit that market, how to bypass the market entirely, so you can get the girls that you want without having to play that terrible game.
A Useful Analogy
Let’s take an analogy like business.
Say you want to make money selling makeup brush sets to women. Makeup brush sets cost maybe $30 to $100. There’s dozens of brands out there. There’s nothing about your makeup brush set that is any different than any other one. Let’s say you bring yours to market for $30. You quickly go out of business because nobody could find you. Nobody cares about your makeup brush set. Nobody buys it.
However, Kylie Jenner, one of the Kardashians—and this is no joke, this is for real—she is now selling a makeup brush set for $360. Selling a makeup brush set for $360 to women, it probably costs her $20 to manufacture in China, and she’s sold millions of dollars of this brush set despite getting negative and mediocre reviews.
My friend, how can you have this hypercompetitive market where it’s a race to the bottom and yet Kylie Jenner can create a markup of 1,000 percent for something that is essentially worthless, mark it up 10 times in value, and still make million of dollars selling it?
Exploit the Glitches in the market
Well, there is a glitch in the dating market as well that you can exploit. Yes, you’re going to get burned if you do the same thing as every other guy and get on Tinder and you’re competing based on money and looks. But you can bat out of your league and get that really pretty girl by bypassing the market, by taking advantage of this glitch in the same way that Kylie Jenner can sell $360 makeup brush sets to women when most people would fail selling them at $30.
Here’s what you want to do. You want to be leveraging physical proximity by employing cold approach, and here’s what that means. We, human beings, we don’t go for the best necessarily. We go for who we know or who we have a relationship with, or who we are in proximity with.
Kylie Jenner can sell a $360 makeup brush set because other women feel like they have proximity with her. They feel like they know her. They’ve watched her on television for more than 10 years. They feel like they’ve grown up with her. They feel like she’s a friend of theirs that they can trust, so women will spend a thousand percent markup on these brushes just because they feel like they have a connection with her.
When you cold approach girls, when you run up to a girl that you don’t know and introduce yourself, as awkward as that may feel at first, now the market shrinks because she does know you a little bit. You’ve established a beachhead. You’ve established your foot in the door where she knows your name, she knows you exist.
Yes, she is a pretty girl. Maybe she has hundreds, maybe thousands of guys all vying for attention, lavishing her with praise on her phone, but she doesn’t know them. She doesn’t talk to them. They’re not real. But now you’ve inserted yourself into her life through doing cold approach, so at least now, she has a physical representation of you.
You are a real flesh and blood human being in her life, so now you’re just competing with the other flesh and blood human beings in her life, the other men that she physically knows, so now the market is much smaller. She’s not comparing you to nearly as many men.
If you’re a socially savvy, friendly, and cool dude, and you know how to push her buttons to make her feel something, you can quickly rise to the top of that competition because most guys don’t know anything about game. Most guys aren’t studying game. Most guys have no idea, no clue what to do.
You are a playing off a cognitive bias of women called ingroup bias where women treat men in their ingroup very differently than they treat men in their outgroup where men in their social circle get much more favorable attention than men outside of their social circle, and you are kind of using a little cheat code of cold approach to just force your way through the door to be in her ingroup.
You’re also exploiting a second cognitive bias of women called the sunk cost fallacy where once she invests a little bit of time and energy into you, she will have a tendency to want to invest even more time and energy into you. Once you’ve inserted yourself into her reality by doing some cold approach, suddenly that market shrinks. There is much less competition. She’s only comparing you to other men she physically actually knows and talks to, so it’s much easier.
That’s why learning game, doing cold approach is usually a far better investment of your time and energy than trying to make a ton of money or trying to become extremely good-looking, or getting extremely ripped at the gym.