Today’s topic is a little bit controversial, so let me know what you think down in the comments below, but today we are talking about why the average guy is getting priced out of the dating market and why it’s harder and harder for an average-looking guy to get an average-looking girlfriend, but also why it’s easier than ever before to get a pretty girl, how you can beat the system, and how you can date more girls and better-quality girls than any other time in history.
My name is Jesse. I’ve been teaching dating, coaching men for 20 years now how to get the girl of their dreams and I want to talk about why it’s gotten harder for most men over the years.
We have a situation where the top 10 percent of men with the looks, the money, the game, and the means are doing better than ever. They’re taking home all the spoils. Then you’ve got the next 20 percent of guys that are just kind of treading water, staying where they are, but they have to work harder and faster for it, and the bottom 70 percent of men are either not getting laid at all, or have to settle for increasingly mediocre women, kind of a situation where the rich are getting richer, and the poor are getting poorer.
Let’s start with the key underlying reason why this is happening. I could be right, I could be wrong. It’s just what I think. It’s just a theory.
In our modern society, in our modern culture, more is expected of a man to be considered a sexworthy guy nowadays but less is expected of a woman to be considered a sexworthy woman.
Standards Used to be Lower
It used to be that the standards for both sexes was very low, so you could be in the bottom 50 percent of men and yes you weren’t considered a catch, but that was perfectly acceptable, and say your total sexual value was 5/10 as a man, you could still meet and date other women that would be 5/10, or 6/10.
However, that’s not really the same situation anymore today. If you are say a 5/10 as a man, you may need to start settling for worse. You may need to start dating down where you starting aiming for girls that are 2/10, 3/10, or 4/10.
Here’s why its’s tougher for your average guy nowadays in the dating market. It’s because the bottom 50 percent, or 60 percent of women have been falling in total value.
First, the culture allows women to get away with lower standards. If she gets fat, if she puts on weight, if she doesn’t dress well, if she doesn’t dress in a feminine manner, if she loses her feminine polarity, it’s considered socially acceptable. Maybe getting fat is not considered a good thing, but it’s considered okay.
But if you give friendly advice or criticize a woman in anyway about how she carries herself, about her look, about how she dresses, about how her weight, suddenly that’s emotional abuse. Suddenly, you are a bully. How dare you! That’s bad, bad, bad, bad!
You can certainly make the argument that the fault doesn’t all lie personally on the woman’s shoulders. After all, every store out there is full of junk food, potato chips, and ice cream, and candy bars. There’s temptation everywhere to cheat and eat whatever you want just to fill your mouth with junk food.
Women Have Lost Feminine Polarity
But at the end of the day, with temptation in every street corner, junk food everywhere, and this fat acceptance where you should accept your body no matter how you look, and that’s perfectly okay as a woman, it means women have lost their looks. Women have put on more weight. Women have lost feminine polarity at least compared to 10, 20, 30 years ago.
If a woman dresses like a man where she wears like a baggy shirt and she wears baggy jeans and she essentially looks like a man, she’s lost that feminine polarity, that’s considered perfectly normal and acceptable. That’s even considered an ideal now where she dresses like a man. She loses that feminine polarity. It just shows that she’s no longer oppressed, that she’s an independent woman.
I’m not saying that this is good thing. I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing. No value judgment here. I’m just making an observation. That’s the direction that society has been doing it.
There’s More Pressure On Men
Now, on the other hand, let’s consider a man. What happens when a man decides to lose his traditional masculine polarity?
He puts on weight himself. He also decides, “I’m not going to play the traditional role anymore. I’m not going to go out and work. I’m not going to bring home the bacon. I’m not going to be a provider any longer.” He’ll be like, “I’m going to stay at home in mom’s basement, play video games all day, and it’s perfectly acceptable for me to lose my masculine polarity.”
Well, how does society consider that guy? Society considers him a complete loser, and it’s perfectly, sociable acceptable to shame him and make fun of him. When a man lets go of his masculine polarity, when he stops taking on the traditional role of being the breadwinner, he’s going to take a hell lot of criticism.
But when a woman loses her feminine polarity, when she just decides to let herself go, put on weight, she’s not going to dress feminine, or be feminine anymore, that’s almost considered an ideal. It’s considered liberation.
Women Are Getting a Free Pass
You got this lopsided situation where there’s just as much pressure than ever for men to keep their male sexual polarity and step up in a very competitive environment but less pressure on women to do so.
What I’ve seen over the last 20 years with that increasing competitive pressure being put on men is that the top 10 percent of guys have really stepped up because the Internet has popularized self-improvement where you see more men starting their own businesses. You see more men making money.
You see these guys going to the gym and taking care of their health. You see these guys staying away more and more from alcohol and drugs. You see these guys learning a little bit of game at least, becoming more socially savvy, more socially attuned, more social intelligence, so overall they become more charismatic and more desirable. Their total sexual value rises.
What you see between men and women are increasing numbers of men who are building this kind of wealthy, cool, travel lifestyle who are into self-improvement and building themselves up socially and women who are just kind of childish, lazy, and not really trying all that hard.
Now if a girl is objectively a 6 in overall sexual value, she starts to expect to get males that are 7’s and 8’s in overall sexual value because she doesn’t have as much competition. There aren’t enough women that are 7’s and 8’s to go around to the males that are 7’s and 8’s.
Smart Phones Exacerbate the Problem
Further exasperating this imbalance I believe are smartphones because I believe 15 years ago, if a woman wanted to have attention and validation from other human beings, she had to actually look good, put on some nice sexy clothes, walk outside her door, and interact with other human beings.
But with smartphones now, a woman doesn’t have to leave her door to get validation and attention. She can just snap 100 different selfies of her, pick the one with the best angle where she looks the best, even if the other 99 are bad, put it through some color filters, remove the blemishes.
Suddenly, she looks so much better even though it’s a complete illusion, post it up, and she’s going to get attention from hundreds of horny, desperate, thirsty guys, feeding her validation. As a result, women can now be very lazy, not living in their female polarity. She can look like a 5 or a 6 and get the attention of a 7, 8, or 9 just through her social media.
The other problem is that women start comparing real men that they know in real life to these fantasy images that they see on their phone because there’s going to a couple of guys that are taking advantage of social media, traveling around, doing cool things, or at least creating this illusion that they’re doing cool things, putting their own photos through all these color filters, making it look glamorous than it really is, so the woman starts comparing real men doing real things to these fantasy guys on their phone.
Now in her imagination because she’s seeing this all the time, she starts to think to herself, “Yes, I’m being lazy. I’m not doing anything myself, but I deserve that guy, deserve that guy who is traveling all over the world and doing these interesting things, and he’s driving the fancy car.” Even though this guy is creating a fantasy construct where he’s running his own photos through color filters and picking the best shot out of hundreds, he’s creating this very carefully crafted image of himself, she sees that. She kind of thinks it’s real on some level.
She now starts comparing the real men in her life to this fantasy construct on her phone, which now you’re competing with this image. It puts pressure on you as a man to know be tall, good looking, and driving a fancy car, and traveling all over the world, and being socially savvy and being debonair, and most importantly, making the girl happy every single moment.
Of course, in contrast, she being a girl, society says. “Ding! Ding! Ding! You won the lottery just for having a vagina. Unlike a man, it’s okay for you not to really try hard. It’s okay for you not to have to step up. It’s actually a good thing to decrease your female polarity because that’s a sign of liberation. This creates an imbalance where men feel they really have to step up due to all this competitive pressure, increase their total sexual value through constant self-improvement.
Whereas women are kind of just left off the hook. They don’t really feel that same kind of pressure. Society says it’s okay for them not to try so hard to really be so feminine, so of course naturally their total sexual value is going to decrease over time.
Learn How To Exploit the Situation
Then what happens is there are certainly guys that learn how to exploit the situation. They’re in the top 10 percent. They study game very intensely. They get very good at it. They’re extreme action takers. They go out and cold approach. They meet hundreds of girls where they’re very good-looking, or they’ve got money, or they have some combination of these. These guys are very much in demand.
If you’re an extremely good-looking guy, Tinder is the best thing that ever happened to you. You now have access to hundreds of girls who are hitting you up. If you are very wealthy, you have access to more girls than ever before. If you can travel, if you have the means to do that like you are running your own business, you have the means to meet hundreds of girls just through standing out, being in an exotic country.
If you learn game really well, you can meet hundreds of women. If you’re in the top 10 percent, this is the best time to be alive in human history for meeting women. For men, if you’re in the bottom 50 percent of guys, I really even say the bottom 80 percent of men, you have it tough down in this competitive environment where women are not just not trying as hard as they used to, and you have to settle for the scraps.
If you’re a 7 in overall total sexual value as a man, you’re no longer looking at meeting and dating other 7’s and maybe getting that occasional 8. You got to settle for the 3’s, the 4’s, and the 5’s. the men who are 5’s in total sexual value, you’re not looking at other girls that are 5’s or 6’s. Now you’re looking at girls who are 1’s, 2’s, and 3’s in total sexual value, or you’re not getting laid at all.
Why Some Guys Get Bitter
The result is you start to see this huge mass of men getting bitter and resentful. “Why do I have to step up to all this competitive pressure when women are getting a free pass?”
A lot of guys just simply pull themselves out of the dating market. Some men go [unintelligible 0:11:16], men going their own way. “I’m not even going to play this game anymore. Women, you stay over there. I’m going to stay over here, and not bother with you.”
Other men, their form of removing themselves out of the dating market and not facing that competitive pressure turn to prostitutes. Other guys, they don’t see hot girls around. They’re not being visually sexually stimulated. They don’t feel incentivized, so they just remove themselves out of the dating market by staying in their basement and playing video games all days.
Many guys have this kind of generalized anger and bitterness. Even if they can’t get quite pinpoint the reason, they just know that they’re deeply unsatisfied with their situation and with life, so they’ll vote almost like a protest vote for a candidate like Donald Trump. Even though the guy is a clown and an idiot, it’s almost like this revenge vote like, “I just want to see everything burn to the ground!”
What’s the Solution:
So, the solution for you, my friend, is not to get angry and bitter. That’s not going to get you the hot girls that you really want. The solution is not to drop out of society. That’s not going to get you what you want. You’re not going to be able to take away cellphones and social media from everybody. That’s not going to happen. If you stew over that, you’re wasting your time.
The solution is not to get angry at feminists, even though some girls do try to hide behind feminism as a reason to be lazy and not really try.
The solution for you, my friend, is to adapt, become proactive, and take massive action because when you think about it, there’s less male competition in some ways like a lot of men go [unintelligible 0:00:00]. They don’t even want to try anymore, or men just stay in their basement and play video games all day. That’s their form of taking themselves off of the dating market.
If you can just hunker down, learn some game, take some action, go out, meet some girls, go the gym, work out a little bit, learn how to be this friendly and cool guy, learn a little bit of social intelligence and social savvy and dress stylishly, that’s about all it takes to put yourself in the top 20.
It’s kind of a funny thing. Once you cross that threshold, there’s kind of this minimal level of total sexual value you have to have. Once you cross that threshold, a whole new world opens up to you, and you start to see, “Wow! As a man, I have more abundance, more choices than I ever expected more than in human history.” But you got to have that cross that minimal level threshold to see that, to have access to that because if you’re below that threshold, man, you have it tough.
It truly is a situation where the rich are getting richer with beautiful women and the poor are getting poorer and more frustrated, more angry, more bitter, more alone.