Let’s be honest: approach anxiety can be a pain in the ass when it comes to meeting women.
It’s the number one issue of a lot of guys.
THE thing that prevents them to build their game and be successful with women.
That’s why having in mind some tips to help you overcome this fear can be of use.
Because once you’ve understood how it works and how you can take action more easily, many doors open to you.
And in this article, I’m precisely going to share with 5+1 powerful tips that helped me a lot to make my move and approach girls I liked more easily (and naturally).
These tips can make a big difference in how you view this necessary (yet most dreaded) step of the dating process: the approach.
Without further ado, let’s start with the first tip that will help you overcome approach anxiety:
Tip #1: Tell yourself that it seems difficult because it’s the first approach of the day
Telling yourself that it’s only the first girl of the day that is really difficult to approach.
It’s not that difficult to approach a girl when you’re in a club and that you’ve been talking with several girls over the course of the night.
But it’s a whole other story to make your move when you haven’t approached anyone during your day and are stuck in your head.
In the latter case, you’re not in social mode. You’re in thinking mode. You’re just not in the mood of talking to people, especially unknown girls.
For this reason, approaching a girl (or even any other random person) seems very hard.
Like if you had to jump into cold water for the first time of the day: you just don’t want it.
Whereas once you’ve done it one, two, three times…it seems like a piece of cake.
Your body is ready. You’re on.
When it comes to approaching women, it works the same.
Once you’ve approached your first girl of the day, the next ones seem much easier to talk to.
Because you jumped into social mode.
You’ve jumped to action mode.
And from this moment, everything that is social related seems natural and easy.
So remember this: if you haven’t approached anyone during the day and find it extremely hard to approach a girl, it’s okay, it’s natural.
The key is to jump into social mode by making a first approach.
Force yourself to make this first approach (more on that below) and the rest will be much easier.
Tip #2: Don’t focus on the outcome of the interaction but on your taking action
This tip is one of my favorites.
You must not invest your emotions on something you have no direct control over. That is to say the reaction of the girl you approach.
This girl may very well have had a bad day, be in a rush, be a hardcore feminist who made it a habit to reject every man who dares talk to her, and so on.
You have no control over that.
That’s why it’d be silly to make your emotions depend on that.
What really matters is not that the girl is receptive to your approach or not (though it’s a plus, let’s be honest), what matters is that you took the bull by the horns and made your move.
As a man, you should view this as the most rewarding part of your approach. Especially if you have an issue with approach anxiety.
Because it is by making a habit of acting in the presence of fear that you’ll become more courageous.
That’s how you’ll grow your balls overtime 😉
So instead of focusing on what might be the reaction of the girl, focus on your making a move.
Consider approaching a victory.
Because if you managed to approach the girl, no matter her reaction, it means that you’ve overcome your fear of approach. Something you can be proud of and celebrate.
Tip #3: Warm up
A more technical tip that you can find of use if you really struggle to make your first approach of the day.
You come across attractive girls but no matter how you force yourself it seems like there’s no way you can make your move.
You’re just way too stuck in your head and get too nervous when you think about approaching.
It’s time to warm up.
How do you do that?
Well, just by approaching random people, with an easy opener.
Warming up is about getting you to take action. It is about putting you in social mode.
Remember what we saw with the first tip: the most difficult part is to make your first approach of the day.
After you’ve made this first approach, the next ones are much easier.
Approaching a random guy and asking for direction can be viewed as a first approach.
It puts you in social mode.
You’re not stuck in your head anymore.
And once you’ve made this first approach, talking to a girl will seem much easier.
To warm up, you can for instance:
– Ask for a direction (if you’re on the street or in another public place)
– Open a group of men (if you’re in a club or at a party)
– Ask a group of girls some advice on how to open this gorgeous girl you spotted on the other side of the dancefloor, or ask her opinion on the gift you intend to offer to your girlfriend (note here that the girls you open can’t really reject you, since these opening lines imply that you’re not hitting on them)
After making this first approach (and especially if you start a conversation with the people you approached), you’ll feel much more confident and ready to make a “real” approach.
Tip #4: Think about the positive emotions you’ll feel after having made your approach
Instead of focusing on what might happen if your approach fails, think of the positive emotions you’ll feel after having managed to approach.
To illustrate this, I must tell you about the first girl of my life I managed to approach on the street:
It was during the summer break, I was barely 20 years old, and I wanted to get serious about picking up girls.
I had a lot of free time and decided to hit the streets in order to meet attractive girls.
The first afternoon I did that, nothing happened.
I would come up with excuses every time I came across an attractive girl:
“She seems to be in a rush”
“She’s on the phone”
“She’s listening to music”
“She’s not that hot”
“She too this/too that”
And the list goes on and on.
The second afternoon, I managed to force myself to walk toward a few girls I spotted but couldn’t see it through.
I would stop before reaching the girl, coming up with an excuse or just freezing out of stress.
And finally, the third afternoon I hit the streets I managed to man up.
I walked by this gorgeous girl, about 5’7”, brown-haired, green eyes, pouty lips, with a sexy pair or dark jeans and rangers.
This time I wasn’t going to let her go.
I turned around, worked up my courage and started walking at a fast pace to catch up to her.
I could feel the adrenaline rushing.
But this time, I wouldn’t give up.
I had to carry out this approach.
And that’s what I did: I passed her, turned around, stopped her, and delivered my line.
She appreciated my compliment but unfortunately she had a boyfriend (at least that’s what she said).
The interaction didn’t last more than 15 seconds, but to me it was a success.
I finally made it.
I finally managed to overcome approach anxiety and make an approach.
And this day I went home with a sense of accomplishment.
I was proud of myself.
It didn’t matter that this interaction went nowhere.
What mattered was that I managed to approach an attractive girl in a public place.
And that’s precisely these positive emotions that you must look forward.
That’s these positive feeling that you must look ahead.
By telling yourself that you’re going to feel such a sense of accomplishment after having made your move, regardless of the reaction of the girl, you’ll feel much more motivated to take action.
Think about it.
Tip #5: Focus on the first step, not on the whole task
Instead of focusing on the whole process of picking up this girl, just focus on the first step.
Just focus on walking in her direction and opening her with a charming smile.
Nothing more than that.
Focusing solely on the first step will make the whole thing seems much easier.
If you focus on the whole interaction, you’re going to think too much and it will make you anxious.
You’re going to imagine all sorts of scenarios, all sorts of bad things that could happen, all sorts of things you should do or not do, and it will make you nervous.
So don’t spend your energy overthinking and focus on what you need to do to start your approach.
BONUS TIP: Change your beliefs
If you believe you can’t approach attractive girls, you’ll have a hard time approaching attractive girls.
And conversely, if you believe you’re good at approaching attractive girls, you’ll find it much easier to do so.
Our beliefs shape our reality.
That’s why you must make sure to have them work for you, and not against you.
So keep your beliefs in check.
Persuade yourself that you love approaching women, that you’re good at it and that women love to be approached by you.
Repeat it several times in your head every day, by making it as real as you can through mental pictures.
After a few days or a few weeks, you’ll notice that you’ll feel more confident.
It sounds weird, but it works.
The key is to do it on a daily basis and be convinced that it’s working.
This is a guest article from Jack Vitel of RoadtoSolidity.com