So, a huge mistake guys make when talking to a girl they like is that they’re WAY too eager and try hard…
To jump in and agree with everything she says.
She says, “Yeah, I like my classes. I actually got all A’s last semester.”
And you’re like, “Oh cool! Yeah, I like class too. I like class. I try to be a good student.”
She says, “Boston Crème donuts are my favorite.”
“Oh, yeah! I love those Boston Crème donuts. I love them! I think they’re my favorite too, now I think about it.”
It’s like your whole mindset is seeking and jumping on commonalities with the girl…
Grasping to build rapport with her, wherever you can get it, to make her like you.
And as a result, that makes you boring.
It makes you very predictable.
She ends up leading your likes and dislikes and your tastes.
And it comes across as try-hard.
Try-hard equals lower value.
And lower value equals the girl loses interest in you pretty quick.
What guys do wrong: Too cool for school
On the other side of the coin is the guy who plays it, “too cool for school.”
He just pretends to be aloof and unemotional around the cute girl.
The girl tells him, “Yeah, I’m running a mile every day to stay in shape.”
And the aloof guy is just like, “Oh. Cool. Whatever. That’s cool.”
But that’s ALSO putting up a front.
Because underneath that veneer, he’s really thin, “Damn, this girl takes care of herself. That’s awesome. That’s a rare thing.”
BUT…he doesn’t want to come across as needy or over-interested, so just fronts like he’s not.
And that’s NOT the best way to go either.
Because again, you’re not very emotionally compelling.
You’re not making her feel that zest and that spark.
You can come across as kind of cold and boring.
And in some cases with some girls, it CAN trigger her to chase you…IF…IF she already liked you to begin with.
If she already liked you, in some cases, being a bit aloof COULD trigger her to chase you.
But it’s much better to have a response set that will make ANY girl in ANY situation even if she’s just MET you…
Feel charmed and inspired by you…
And want to get to know you more.
So the solution here is, first, when she’s just talking about random stuff, just have NORMAL reactions.
You can tell her, “Oh, I see. That’s interesting. Oh cool. I like that. Nice.”
Like you would talk to a normal person.
Not grasping for rapport with her BUT not playing aloof either.
And then sometimes you can spike it with a disagreement.
She says, “I like cats.”
And if you prefer dogs, just be real and honest, and say, “Oh, you like cats? I prefer dogs.”
So you’re treating the hot girl like you would a real human being that you’re not trying to GET something from.
That’s the base.
Now, there’s SOME situations where you DO want to UNDERREACT.
So say that she tells you, “Yeah, I use do makeup modeling for Cover Girl.”
Then you want to underreact, and just say something like, “Dope.”
Or, “Uh huh. That’s cool. I bet you’re good at it.”
So it’s not like, “Wow! You did modeling!!??”
But it’s not being fake dismissive or fake aloof either.
Just stay chill and calm.
Nothing she is sending you into an emotional frenzy.
You’re like an oak tree. You’re not a reed blowing around in the wind.
But you’re still positive and expressive.
Part #1. Repeat back what she said
Now, where you can really charm her pants off is when she DOES say something you like…
You want to reward her for her good behavior.
For example, she’ll tell you maybe,
“You know, my favorite movie is actually the Matrix.”
And she’s a pretty girl who likes the Matrix. That’s cool, right?
In that case, if you like that, you want to reward her.
You’d say, “Wow! You like the Matrix? That’s very unique. You…are…special.”
Or maybe she starts asking YOU questions.
And she asks you an interesting question like maybe she asks you, “Where do you want to be in three years?”
And you like how she’s investing in you.
You can reward her for that.
You can tell her, “Wow you ask some really interesting questions I like that, I like.”
So it’s a simple formula.
First, repeat back what she said to you, which is going to make her feel like you understand her and where she’s coming from.
She’ll feel more of a connection to you.
And then just give her general approval.
So, say she tells you, “Yeah, I like running. I run a mile every day to get a workout, to stay in shape.”
First you repeat back what she said. You’d say, “Ah… you run every day to stay in shape.”
And then general approval. “I like that. I like that you take care of yourself. That’s a rare thing nowadays.”
Part #2. Approve a specific personality trait
Now once you’ve repeated back her own words to her and given her general approval, you can give it more impact be giving her specific approval of the specific thing she said, or her specific trait.
For example, sticking with the same example, she says…
“Yeah, I like running. I run a mile every day to get a workout, to stay in shape.”
You’d tell her, “Ah, you run every day to stay in shape.” Repeating back her own words to her.
“I like it that.” General approval.
And then you’d say maybe, “Yeah, your body is pretty fit. You look quite fit like you could run a mile no sweat.”
So that’s the specific compliment of her.
Or say that she says something funny, you’d tell her, “Oh, wonderful! You like to laugh. You have a good sensor of humor.”
Or if she asks you an interesting question, you tell her, “Wow, you’re smart! You actually have a brain, girl. At first I wasn’t so sure about you, but I’m starting to like you.”
Part #3. And her reward is…
Now, step three…and this is where you can really the charm girl into liking you.
And that third step is to give her a concrete reward.
And there’s FOUR different concrete rewards I’ll give a girl.
The first one is to give her a high-five.
“You are a smart girl. Come here! Give me a high five.”
And that just makes the interaction more fun, and you stand out. You’re different.
The second type of reward you give the girl are points.
You tell her…
“You get a point for that.”
Or tell, “Plus one point for you.”
“And if you get three points…you get a prize.”
The third type of reward is seeding that you’ll hangout later with her.
You simply tell her, “We should hangout sometime.”
And the fourth and final type of reward is giving her a HUG.
You tell her, “Okay, that’s it. It’s decided I’m keeping you.” And give her a hug.
Or you tell her, “Alright, it’s decided. I’m adopting you as my new little sister.” And then give her a hug.
Complete Example #1
So that’s the formula to reward a girl and make her feel special and connected to you.
First, repeat back what she said if you can and give a line of general approval.
Second, give her a line of more specific approval to the trait you like.
And third give her a reward…a high-five, a point, seed hanging out later, or a hug.
So, let’s run through a complete example.
You tell the girl, “Hey, come join me for a coffee right over there just for 5 minutes. I want to see if you’re as cool as I think you are.”
And she says, “Sure, I’d like that! Let’s go.”
Now you reward her for investing in you.
“See, I like that about you, Suzie.”
“You’ve got an adventurous spirit.”
“That’s it. It’s decided. I’m keeping you.”
And you give her a hug.
“So shouldn’t you be in school? I bet you’re a troublemaker aren’t you?”
And she tells you, “Oh, no, no, no! I’m a good student. like school. I get all A’s.”
“Oh…I see. You’re a good student.”
“I like that…I like that.”
“I respect someone who is able to apply themselves and use their brain.”
“Plus one point for you.”
Let’s do one more example:
You tell her, “You know, so beauty is common. Are there more to you than meets the eye?”
“Let me ask you. What’s something about yourself that would make someone want to get to know you better?”
And she qualifies herself in a good way to you, answering, “Actually I eat vegan. It’s terrible how they treat these intelligent animals on those big farms.”
“Ahh…you love animals, don’t you?”
“I like that.”
“You have a big heart. That’s pretty unique.”
“Come here! High-five for that.”