Now I don’t know if you’ve ever met a real shy girl before, and the thing with shy girls is that they can seem pretty hard to talk to sometimes because they just don’t give you too much to work with.
You spot a girl over there. She’s real cute, so you go up to her, introduce yourself. You say hello and it turns out she’s really, really shy. Her cheeks, they turned this beet red color and she kind of just looks down at the ground and her shoulders tighten up and she puts her hands together like a little girl, and she just starts giving you two-word answers to anything you ask her.
For example, you might say to her, “Hey, you’re kind of cute girl.”
“Do you know how to cook?”
“You look German to me, maybe Swedish.”
“Oh, I was going to say you look like maybe you live in an igloo because you come from the far north.”[giggling]
Maybe it’s even apparent that she’s digging it, she likes you, but she just keeps giving you these one or two word answers back, or she just looks down, beet red color in her cheeks. The problem with that is he feel like you are running out of things to say. You don’t know where to take the conversation next because she’s not giving you that much to work with.
The conversation is kind of like ideally a tennis game where both parties are working 50/50 to lob that tennis ball back and forth across the net, but you just hit it and she doesn’t really swing back. You hit the ball again. She doesn’t swing back. You hit the ball again and the ball just stays on her side of the court. It’s kind of like you’re almost talking to a wall.
Well, no worries because I’ve got a little routine some lines you can say to her that you can use word-for-word to make that shy girl open up to you, feel more at ease with you, and feel more comfortable with you so she actually engages back in the conversation and gives you more than just these one or two-word little answers.
But real quick though, why do some girls get so nervous? Why did some girls clam up and get really shy?
Well, you got to understand that for most women, they don’t get approached that much. Cool guy coming up to them, that’s not something that they’re used to. That’s a very rare occurrence that very rarely ever happens to them, so they don’t really know how to handle it.
Maybe you are used to approaching women and that’s something that’s normal for you, but it’s not something that’s going to be normal for her. Even though you’re this cool, handsome devil that has come up to her and she’s feeling those little tingles of attraction, she’s feeling intrigued by you, still has this paralysis effect on her where her mouth feels super glued shut and she doesn’t want to say the wrong thing to you, so she gets nervous and she just clams up.
It’s just like if you were to be introduced to a really beautiful woman, an absolute stunner that knocked your socks off and you just went into this hypnotic trance where your eyes went big and you can’t believe you’re talking to such a beautiful woman, you tend to clamp up yourself under that kind of social pressure.
You’re just like looking down, turning red, body language closing up, and you don’t really know what to say next because you don’t want to mess it up.
Now we men, we tend to make two different mistakes when it comes to very shy girls.
First, we think, “Maybe she’s not that into me. I’m just going to bail out of the set because she’s not giving me that much to work with. I’m gone. It’s making me feel uncomfortable.” When in reality, it makes us get uncomfortable that she’s shy, that makes her feel more uncomfortable and not at ease, and it just makes the whole thing worse.
So we clam up ourselves. We make things even worse because she’s following our energetic lead and then we bail out of the set when if we had just remained calm then kept going, she would have just rolled with it. She would have opened up eventually.
The second mistake that we men tend to make is that we are too aggressive and we don’t calibrate to the girl. It’s like we’ve got our foot 100 miles per hour on the gas pedal when we need to be backing it off and maybe going just 10 miles per hour like we are too physically aggressive with the girl and that makes her feel even more uncomfortable because we’re just moving too quickly. We’re pushing it too fast and you need to calibrate to where she is, know when to back off.
It doesn’t mean you’re hitting the brake and just leaving the set, but you’re just kind of easing off that gas pedal. Instead of going superfast, pushing it forward, you realize how this girl just needs a little more time to get comfortable with us, to feel at ease and we’re just going to keep our foot on that gas pedal but just ease up on it.
The trick is you don’t want to hit those brakes and just run away and bail out on the set. At the same time, you do need to calibrate to the girls so you don’t have your foot on the gas pedal at maximum speed. You need to back off a little bit, slow down, put her at ease.
I’ve got a nice little routine, some little lines you can say to the girl that’s going to make her feel a lot more comfortable with you. I’m going to share that with you right now.
The first thing is you got to realize that girl you’re talking to is a shy girl and it’s time to calibrate.
Now you’re going to pull out your shy girl routine and you’re going to tell her, “Hey, listen girl. Can I tell you a secret real quickly?”
What that does is it creates an open loop. It creates the seed of curiosity in her mind where now she wants to know what that secret is. It’s going to make her ask you. It’s going to make her participate and want to know
“Tell me what your secret is.” She’s going to ask.
Then, you’re going to tell her, “Well, I don’t normally approach girls like this, and to be honest I felt a little bit nervous about it.”
Now what that does is it humanizes you. It makes you more relatable to her. She’s thinking, “Oh my, gosh! I was feeling so nervous but he was feeling nervous too, something we have in common. It was weird for both of us. He doesn’t do this all the time.” So that’s going to make her feel more at ease.
Next up, you’re going to throw her a little compliment. You’re going to say, “But I do think you’re really pretty and I just had to come up and say hello to you.”
Now instead of thinking of that as a compliment, think of it more as, “You’re qualified, girl. You don’t have to worry. I’m not judging you. I like you. You don’t have to prove yourself to me. You don’t have to feel like you are on the spot like I might reject you or something. I like you. You passed my screen test. You’re good. Time to relax. Nothing to worry about. We can be friends, so on and so on.”
With a real shy girl, you throw her that compliment, you straight up tell her, “Listen girl, I like you, so don’t worry about it. Relax.”
She’s going to relax. It’s going to put her at ease.
Then you tell her, “I’m glad I did come up to you. You seem like a fun person. I feel real comfortable talking to you.”
Now that does two things.
Telling her that she’s a fun person, that gives her an image to live up to. You are giving her an image that, “Yes, you are a fun person. I expect you to be that way.”
You never want to tell the girl. “You seem like a real shy person,” because that’s just going to put her in her shell even more.
If you tell her she seems like a fun person, that at least is going to give her the opportunity, the chance to liven up a little bit.
If you tell her, “I feel real comfortable talking to you,” your state is going to lead her state. How you feel is going to lead her, so if you tell her, “I feel real comfortable talking to you, that’s going to make her feel comfortable talking back.”
Here’s the full routine from beginning to end without all that commentary.
First, you got to notice that that girl is a shy girl and you need to calibrate. You’re going to tell her, “Listen, girl, can I tell you a secret real quick?”
That hooks her in. She’s going to say, “Yes, what is it?”
“Well, I don’t normally approach girls like this and I actually felt a little bit nervous, but you’re really pretty so I just had to do it. I’m glad I did because you seem like a really fun person and I feel real comfortable talking to you.”
That’s really all you got to do. Those couple of little lines make a huge difference in putting the girl at ease, making her feel more comfortable with you, so she actually starts hitting those tennis balls back into your court, returning those balls so you can have a proper conversation where she contributes a little bit more. She just doesn’t turn beet red, super shy, clamming up, tense body language where she’s just giving you these one or two word answers.
There you go. Now you know exactly what to say to a shy girl to make her open up to you and feel at ease.