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Girl falls out of mood easily, has trouble orgasming

Discussion in 'General' started by sawtoothekg, Oct 15, 2013.

  1. sawtoothekg

    sawtoothekg New Member

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    My lady has always had a difficult time reaching orgasm, and easily falls out of the mood if anything seems off: lights, sounds, any bit of stress, any open action items on her todo list, audible breathing, a bird flying by the window (ok I'm exaggerating now).

    I have success with pimp talk to get her in the mood, and am more dominant than before, but she's told me that pimp talk while she's really aroused then she can't concentrate. I've tried my best to help her relax, but she is afraid of just letting go, and she feels like she has to be in control of herself at all times.

    I have worked on my own fundamentals, dominance, and although got room to improve, I think it's overshadowed by her own psychological blocks. Has anyone else on here had similar experiences, and were successful in giving their girls orgasms more frequently?

    I've tried many physical techniques, but I think there's more to it than that.
  2. Eug

    Eug Active Member

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    Hey, if you give some examples of "pimp" talk I think it may give a better idea of what you're doing.

    If you're talking about stuff like lights and sounds, it seems like she may have conditioned herself to orgasm only if she FOCUSES really hard. That shouldn't be it...she should be able to let go and listen to your voice guiding her...your voice and leading should actually help to distract her from her own stresses in her mind (her to do list etc) instead of acting as a distraction itself.

    Maybe loosen her up a bit on your way to sex so she can de-stress and listen to your voice. Have her reaffirm back to you things you say during some foreplay if she's so stressed out...escalate the way you talk to her but make sure they are things that help her to relax and just listen to you so you can guide her...

    Maybe the problem starts outside the bedroom, if she's saying your talking serves as a distraction and she's just trying to "focus" on her orgasm (not the way to go).

    Its a common problem though, with girls not being able to orgasm if they are stressed out. Maybe you can also help her to de-stress outside the bedroom first - meditation, eft, deep breathing together, massage, set up the room so it's more for sex, etc.
  3. sawtoothekg

    sawtoothekg New Member

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    Thanks Eug. By pimp talk I mean what Jesse defines in Blissnosis. It varies like ".. god just look at those sexy legs of yours" or about how sexy her schoolgirl/stripper outfit is, or describing how I love kissing her neck or something, and may escalate it by telling her to give me that sweet ass of hers while I manhandle and grope her. She is really enjoys it during foreplay, but I will try and adjust to help her relax (like you mentioned). She has also started to say stuff back to me, but I think she is still about nervous about it since she's not used to it, but I keep up positive encouragement even if she does say something goofy.

    Fortunately, I already practice meditation and can guide her through that and yoga. I'll report back after trying your suggestions.
  4. Eug

    Eug Active Member

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    By reaffirm back I'm talking less about her actually "talking" so much rather than just agreeing with what you say. So instead of talking dirty right from the beginning during foreplay, maybe have her reaffirm things back to you along the lines of how good it feels, how relaxed she feels with you, how she trusts you and wants to let go with you...Start slow and slowly work your way up based on her response.

    OR, maybe just grab her and ravish her so hard so quick that she doesn't even have time to think of anything other than the danger she's in that very moment : )

    Actually sawtooth, reread your post one last time. This part stood out : but she is afraid of just letting go, and she feels like she has to be in control of herself at all times.

    There is a possibility that this girl is just low self-esteem (and other issues surrounding that), and just can't let go properly in general. I had an issue like that once with a girl. Despite how good she felt, despite different things I did (not technique based) that worked with every other girl, nothing on her worked. She needed to be in control of her emotions and everything else, and just couldn't let go. She was the same way outside the bedroom too. She was able to orgasm only in one specific way, and it was something that was conditioned since childhood for her.

    So not necessarily saying there's nothing you can do, but in certain cases if she just can't trust herself to let go, it has more to do with her than anything you can do to help her out. Keep that in mind.
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2013
  5. k133085

    k133085 New Member

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    Not everyone is comfortable with it, but you could try getting your hands on some wellbutrin and having her take it. It's a pill that enhances sex drive and intensifies orgasm. It also is an appetite suppressant. It takes at least a week to kick in, but guaranteed within 30 days she'll be orgasming more than once every time you have sex if you combine this with the dirty talk you're already doing.
  6. sawtoothekg

    sawtoothekg New Member

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    Update: control and focus is a big deal to her, I've for her so little progress there. Ending lactation made a big difference, along with reassuring her to forget about the orgasm and enjoy the experience. Reducing this pressure helped her relax. Orgams are way easier for her now.

    She has vaginismus, low libido, and dryness which led to sexual anxiety, difficult situation but slowly getting better.
    Jesse Charger likes this.
  7. Jesse Charger

    Jesse Charger Administrator Staff Member

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    Glad to hear things are improving for her Sawtooth.