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Question How often should one communicate at first & How much emotion should one reveal?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Mr.Rico, Dec 15, 2014.

  1. Mr.Rico

    Mr.Rico New Member

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    Hey Guys.

    I'm currently shooting for a long-term relationship & I met this girl. I have little experience with dating and what it takes to keep a girl interested over the long run, so I have few questions for those who have Experience in this department:

    1) What mindset/attitude should I have in "selecting" a girl for a long-term relationship?

    2) How often would you recommend communicating with a girl. Like once a day or every other day?

    3) Should I even try to send mixed signals to build a girl's desire for me?
    (As in, should I show her that I care about her by cuddling her, but every now and then push her away when she wants to cuddle to thus keep myself unpredictable & more attractive?)

    4) How revealing of one's emotions should one be in the initial dates and weeks?
    What fundamental principle of human behavior do you use here to guide yourself in the revealment of your emotions?

    If you could provide the reasoning behind your thinking for me to viscerally comprehend your answers, I would greatly appreciate it :]

    Thanks in advance.

    -Rico
  2. Mr.Rico

    Mr.Rico New Member

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    Great input Lauris,

    Answers to your questions-
    1) have you selected her already?A] Selected

    2) what means of communication do you mean? text, msn, in person?A] I'm currently contacting her solely through email & you answered my communication frequency question with, "Communicate as much you feel you want to." Hit the nail on the head for me. Great perspective.

    4) has she revealed some emotions to you already?
    A] Yeah. I made out with her when I first met her and fooled around a bit later on our first date. She's really into me since I attracted her by being really Dominant initially, but there's a part of me inside that wants to wuss out and becomes afraid to do something she won't like.

    It's a deep feeling I have in me that says, "I Need to be the nice guy or I'll lose her." You're right in that I still have to work on my thinking. I'm gonna go with your recommendation and listen to JC's program more and more to wash that out of my system.

    Really great points you made by the way. It all comes down to me being more me.

    One last Question here:
    1) Do you have any personal experiences or beliefs you have that would disprove this fear inside of me that says, "If I don't do what she wants, she'll think I'm a d**k, and that'll mean I'm a loser & I can't ever have a great relationship because I don't give enough of myself"?
    (Note - The above negative statement is what the negative deep feeling I have essentially means in my head. I don't agree with it, but emotionally I agree and am having a slight challenge disproving it.)
  3. Mr.Rico

    Mr.Rico New Member

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    Wow. Thanks for sharing your experience Lauris! I needed that.
  4. Jesse Charger

    Jesse Charger Administrator Staff Member

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    Great suggestions Lauris
    Mr.Rico likes this.
  5. Mr.Rico

    Mr.Rico New Member

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    Hey Hey Lauris ;)

    I discovered that I was pretty afraid of losing the girl I told you about earlier, and the internal dialogue I was getting in my mind was along the lines of, "She hates you. Prove your worthy."

    After becoming aware of the above belief playing automatically in my head, I simply had to remind myself all the time: "I'm so amazing as I am now, the girl I want is chasing me, and I'm just being myself." This allowed me to just be myself, be funny, stupid, and silly around the girl; and most importantly, it allowed me to see that she really really digs me beyond what I was PERCEIVING when I had the unworthy beliefs playing in my head.

    The negative beliefs are still there, but the new experiences I'm having along with my self-motivating mantra is slowing drowning it out and allowing them to remain in my unconscious mind as a belief that no longer serves me.

    In regards to me and the lady: It's stupid amazing. Just an all around great connection, on the spiritual, physical (sex included), and mental level.
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2015